Why I'm Thankful for (and Scared of) the People Who Are There for Me

I don’t expect you to ever fully understand me.

Ironically though, you see me. You see me, and you say some positive things about me. When you told me that it feels like you think you finally saw all my sides, I show you more. Like you want to know each side of me. You don’t get annoyed with my unpredictable behavior. You don’t make fun of me when I start randomly dancing salsa or bachata in the parking lot; in fact you join me. When I feel like never moving from my couch, you visit me in my messy apartment. Then you fall asleep no matter how messy it is. You eat my food, and really enjoy it. When I love you too much you look uncomfortable, but you don’t blame me for it. You look at yourself and wonder why. You never tell me to stop loving you too much. In fact, you’re the first person to embrace me so well. You see what I need when I need it.

For me, as I struggle with my disorder, you never judge me. You never tell me what I should do, you never try to completely understand, you never make me feel shame. You sit and listen and love me. You even remind of how worthy, and not a failure I am, that I always tend to tell myself. You constantly remind me of who I am when I forget. You affirm me, and remind me I am not completely unstable.

But I am scared.

I think part of me is scared of you. You are a friend I care about. But if you were to ever decide to walk away, I would feel like the world stopped for a moment. If I ever become too much, I am scared you will decided to hurt me on purpose, like everyone else. If I talk too much, I am scared you will stop listening. If you ever look at me like I am crazy, I will feel lost. If you decided my world is too heavy for you, you could leave me holding the weight by myself. So for now here’s to you my friend, sitting with me in my tornado called bipolar disorder.

Thank you for loving me when I need it most.

Thank you for seeing me.

Thank you for accepting me.

Thank you for being my friend and community.

I am truly thankful to have someone like you by my side.

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Thinkstock photo via Ryan McVay

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