4 Things I Want My New Partner to Know About Dating a Spoonie


To my partner,

So far we have experienced a series of firsts for a new couple. Our first kiss, our first day trip, our first bed headed selfie. However, soon you will see a new first. Me in pain. So far I’ve done a good job of hiding it, but I know eventually my chronic illness will show its ugly face. So here is a list of things you should know…

1. If I don’t answer my cell for a long period of time it’s not because of you. Looking at a bright object, let alone think, is hard.

2. There will be some days I won’t be able to get out of bed. It’s not because I don’t want to see you, it’s because I literally can’t.

3. Expect plans to be canceled last minute. If I get a flare I can’t control it. Please don’t take it personally.

4. Sex will be inconsistent. The pain can last weeks and it hurts. It’s not because I don’t want to, it’s because I can’t.

Dating a spoonie can be hard. I won’t be able to play the role of a stereotypical girlfriend who can function like a “normal” human being. But please know that I will care for you and support you 100 percent. That I will appreciate you even more knowing that you’re still with me despite my health.

Thank you for the wonderful times we’ve had so far. I hope more days can be filled with long car rides, cuddles, movie nights and adventures. Please remember that despite the most pain-filled days,you’re still a priority and important to me.

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