When Positivity Just Isn't a Priority During a Pain Flare

Here I am at 4:14 a.m., still awake due to a flare. My joints are red and hot to touch. My muscles ache as if I’ve run a marathon. I have a migraine and no amount of Tums are helping my nausea.

Chronic illness sucks. Let’s just be honest. Everyone seems to want us to blither on about strength and positives, and yes, those things can be found amidst the chaos.

But sometimes I don’t want to find them. That may sound pessimistic, but when you’ve been awake for 20 hours from throbbing muscles and other symptoms, positivity isn’t a priority. Expressing yourself and self-care are. This sometimes means crying or laying on the couch all day. It differs from person to person.

For me it means watching romantic comedies and remembering I have a phenomenal fiancee who cares for me despite my moments like this. Moments where I want to give up. Or be someone else. Escape the body that has seemingly betrayed me.

However, as much as things seem dark now, I am reminded I will find light at the end of the tunnel again. Sure, this sucks and I want to scream and throw a tantrum any toddler would be proud of. But I will get through this. Even if it’s painful. Hang in there no matter what.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Thinkstock photo via Lanka69.

Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.

Related to Chronic Pain

post with an arrow pointing right in front of a snowy mountain

The Frustration of Being Unable to Put a Name to My Chronic Pain

I had eagerly logged into my online patient portal to check for results of the MRI from a few days prior. I wanted so badly to find results which would lead to the name of my health problems. My heart sank when I saw the conclusion: nothing. Once again, on yet another test, I was [...]
compression socks

14 Things That Helped Me Improve My Chronic Pain

I had a period of time not long ago when pain dominated every aspect of my life. I had days when I could barely walk. To go from sitting to standing I had to have help and support otherwise I couldn’t get up. My family always had to be around to help me and make [...]
blue watercolor image of a woman

Why I'm Afraid to Talk About My Chronic Pain

I don’t “look disabled.” Most of the time. Unless the weather’s gone wild (and I live in New England, so that’s only an afternoon away) or I’ve somehow injured myself, I usually look like a healthy woman. Heck, I don’t even look my age – no one believes me when I tell them I’m over 30. While [...]

I Am Chronically Ill, but You Stayed

I remember hearing, “You’re a faker,” so many times over the years. I remember hearing it from friends, family and even doctors. One doctor in particular, a pain specialist, chewed me out over the phone. He said, “It’s people like you who take pain pills and then drive! You probably don’t even need them!” I [...]