To My Friends Who Support Me Through My Mental Illness
For loving me when I am at my best, but especially when I am at my worst. For looking past the inner demons that, as of late, have taken over my former self and seeing that your friend, Kara, is still inside the shell of a human she has become.
For always allowing me to be as honest with you about what is really going on in my life as opposed to the “show” I put on for others. I appreciate and value your honesty, opinions and concerns, even though I may not act or show you I do.
For not judging me for the things I may do a little different than others.
For the countless reassurances you do not hate me, are not mad at me, don’t find me annoying etc., and do indeed love me. It helps to have your voice saying this in my head, as your voice means more to me than the one in my head which tells me the opposite.
For getting to know me. The actual me, not the person I try to make others believe I am. You know, the girl who has her shit together when the people who know the real me know I am the complete opposite of having my shit together.
For being able to laugh with me over the odd things I do and clarifying for me what is/isn’t real, no matter how silly it sounds. I realize Jesus probably isn’t on the wall, but having you clarify that he indeed is not makes me feel better.
For giving me space when I need it and pulling me closer when you see I am struggling and in need of more support.
To the ones who left — I don’t blame you. I am a hard person to get to know and an even harder person to love. I get it and I don’t blame you. Thank you for your friendship, however brief our paths may have crossed. Each and every one of you has taught me a valuable lesson.
Most importantly, the ones who’ve stayed. Words will never be enough to express my love and gratitude for our friendship. So each time I hug you, I hope you can feel it. Each time I tell you I love you, I hope you know I truly mean it.
Thank you. I love you to the moon and back…
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Unsplash photo via Luke Ellis Craven