What Happens on My 'Zombie Days' as Someone With Mental Illness

No amount of medication or treatment can take away my occasional “zombie days,” as I call them.

I wake up and feel completely out of it, like the smallest piece of my subconscious makes me get out of bed and get ready for the day. Staying in bed sounds perfect and I surely don’t rush to get out of bed, but nonetheless I do.

I take whatever array of medications I have on your counter. I hope they kick out the funk, but my mind is completely blank anyway.

I can’t focus on anything, I feel like a robot just going through the motions of the day. My mind is almost a step behind my body movements.

The thought, “Why can’t I call in sick, saying I feel like a zombie today,” crosses my mind on the drive to work. “If only,” I think.

I’m staring at something, knowing it means something or I’m supposed to do something, but nothing is clicking. I only snap out of it when someone comes into the room and I turn my attention to them.

My brain is running on empty, for whatever reason. I have felt this before when things were particularly stressful or overwhelming, but it hasn’t been lately.

My only goal is to make it through the day. I know it’s impossible to shake the feeling, so I just wait out the time until bed.

If more people understood mental illnesses and didn’t find them to be such a negative aspect of one’s life, I believe I wouldn’t have to force myself through so many rough days.

Because of all this stigma, I don’t share information about my mental health with those I work with. I find it would be looked at as a negative. I use my mental illness to help understand the disabled children I work with better and find ways to work with them that others may not be able to. I hope the world will become more accepting as they grow up.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Photo via Thinkstock.

Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.

Related to Mental Health

drawing of a puzzle

The Many Ways Art Has Colored My Recovery and Erased My Shame

We use my art extensively in my therapy sessions. My therapist locked onto it early on as a tool because whenever we hit on a new issue, I tend to revert to being non-verbal. My therapist is excellent at working with me in this state. Because we’re dealing with trauma that happened when I was [...]
motivating giraffe illustrations. One reads 'it's time to get back up' with pig offering a knighted giraffe his sword. The other features giraffe in a field with butterflies captioned "there is still hope."

Penny Redshaw Creates Motivating Giraffe to Illustrate Mental Illness and Connect With Others

Penny Redshaw, an artist from Australia, wants to help those living with mental illnesses feel less alone. Her Instagram account, Motivating Giraffe, features posts about a giraffe who struggles with mental illness and his pig friend who supports him. 2016 #art #illustration #cartoon #drawing #inspiration #motivation #friendship #love #quotes A post shared by Motivating Giraffe [...]
watercolor of a woman

5 Reminders for Millennials Struggling With Mental Illness

There are some pretty harmful judgments surrounding one of the internet’s new favorite topics: millennials. Whether you are part of the “new” millennial crowd or the “old,” it really sucks to be told you are “entitled” and “lazy” — especially when you’re really not. As someone who is part of the now-infamous “millennial generation,” it [...]
shirt and pouch

Keep Mental Health on Your Mind This Summer With These Essentials

Summer’s here, but when you have a mental illness, “summer break” doesn’t always mean getting a break from your symptoms. Whether you have an eating disorder, struggle with self-harm, depression or another mental health challenge, we know summer isn’t always easy for everyone. So if you’re looking for fun ways to spread mental health awareness [...]