What Happens on My 'Zombie Days' as Someone With Mental Illness
No amount of medication or treatment can take away my occasional “zombie days,” as I call them.
I wake up and feel completely out of it, like the smallest piece of my subconscious makes me get out of bed and get ready for the day. Staying in bed sounds perfect and I surely don’t rush to get out of bed, but nonetheless I do.
I take whatever array of medications I have on your counter. I hope they kick out the funk, but my mind is completely blank anyway.
I can’t focus on anything, I feel like a robot just going through the motions of the day. My mind is almost a step behind my body movements.
The thought, “Why can’t I call in sick, saying I feel like a zombie today,” crosses my mind on the drive to work. “If only,” I think.
I’m staring at something, knowing it means something or I’m supposed to do something, but nothing is clicking. I only snap out of it when someone comes into the room and I turn my attention to them.
My brain is running on empty, for whatever reason. I have felt this before when things were particularly stressful or overwhelming, but it hasn’t been lately.
My only goal is to make it through the day. I know it’s impossible to shake the feeling, so I just wait out the time until bed.
If more people understood mental illnesses and didn’t find them to be such a negative aspect of one’s life, I believe I wouldn’t have to force myself through so many rough days.
Because of all this stigma, I don’t share information about my mental health with those I work with. I find it would be looked at as a negative. I use my mental illness to help understand the disabled children I work with better and find ways to work with them that others may not be able to. I hope the world will become more accepting as they grow up.
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