When Depression Makes the 'Good Times' Temporary
Things are good for me right now.
I have a summer job and then I’ll be starting a more reliable job in August. I just bought my first car. I’m submitting my writing to publications. I’m getting paid to edit a book. I’ve graduated from college. I’m in a good place mentally.
However, I’m scared of when it all ends.
As a person who has depression, I know this is a high point that will soon be replaced by an emotional low. My mental state is in a constant flux and depression isn’t a logical beast. It rears its ugly head whenever it wants and makes me feel worthless, unwanted and empty.
So what am I supposed to do when I’m in a good place and I know it’s temporary? I’m still trying to figure that out, but I try to remember that just like how my happiness will be temporary, so will the depression. I focus on the good while it is still in front of me. I tell myself I am worthy of happiness and that I deserve good things. I remind myself there is nothing wrong with enjoying what I have, even if it’s something small like a slice of lemon merengue pie.
When it all comes crashing down, I will feel empty, fatigued, like I’m on autopilot, but it will end and I can find these happy moments again. Everything is temporary and somehow, that’s actually comforting.
When something is temporary, there is always the potential for change, good or bad. While some may find change scary — and it definitely can be — it can also be a good thing that gives you the opportunity to do something new. For example, I graduated from college and that is allowing me to pursue an unexpected career as an editor and working in special education.
My situation changed and so can my mental health. Change is good. Temporary is good. I may not always be this happy but that also means I won’t always be depressed.
I’m embracing the reality of temporariness.
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Thinkstock photo via LanaBrest.