Signs I Might Be Slipping Into Mania While 'Momming'
I’m just not ready to do anything about this mania. The number of to-dos I am capable of checking off every day is simply astounding. Super human. Have I told you of my obsession with becoming Wonder Woman or “Super Mom”? I feel I’ve achieved that goal when I’m this high up. (Delusions of grandeur, much?)
I suspect mania when I become obsessed with mom blogs and other Pinterest inspirations. When my sleep is sporadic, but I don’t feel tired (because, let’s face it, toddler moms are always tired). When I have the urge and zero doubts about my ability to go back to school or work or make any significant life-changing decisions. When I’m talking fast, my thoughts are racing and all over the place, my writing or texts are back to back and scattered, I pace and I fidget and I shake. I dance around with my kids from sun-up to sun-down. I cannot drink coffee or caffeine. I make plans I surely would have made an excuse not to make if I were “normal” me (ha — who’s that?).
If this is anything like the last time, I will know it is time to do something when the to-dos are pointless wastes of time. The trick is noticing when I have crossed that line because then, things quickly go south. I like to think I will know. At least, my husband or doctors can help point it out. When I’m not sleeping at all, when my anxiety and ADD become unbearable and nearly impossible to function around, when I am no longer dancing and laughing with my boys and merely annoyed by absolutely every little thing, I will know, right?
The problem with mania and bipolar in general, is something I’ve struggled with since before the diagnosis — the uncertainties. Could this be a response to new medicine? Am I even manic? Do I possibly have so much going on that this is how I handle anxiety and stress? What other factors play into this behavior? What is within my grasp, what do I have the power to change without treatment?
The anxiety will show soon, when I know I need treatment before my world comes crashing down. Either the mania will take over or the depression will work its way through. With my first big manic episode, I didn’t realize what it was until months, maybe even a year after. It ended in a suicide attempt I barely remember the details of. So, I know something will need to be done, but I also truly feel I have a firm grasp on reality at the moment. I’m just being fun, productive Super-Mom and what mom can blame me for wanting to stay this way?
I would love to hear how you experience mania and how it affects your life. Do you see any silver lining to your bipolar disorder?
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Thinkstock photo via Pimonova.