My Daughter's Autism Diagnosis Didn't Break My Marriage, Ignoring It Did


This is the story of a single mum raising her 3-year-old daughter who is on the autism spectrum.

At the age of 1.3 years, my daughter was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. My husband, at the time, did not believe it. He thought the diagnosis would wreck our daughter’s future and that if we “ignored the label” she would be better off.

I refused to give in to his plan and decided to take her to all the possible (limited) therapy programs provided in the country we live in. I took her to various occupational therapies, speech and even ABA sessions. The articles I read on The Mighty by parents who put the time and effort to share their stories for people like me, made me more hopeful and more accepting of everything related to my daughter’s condition. It taught me that it’s not something we should hide away as if it’s something to be ashamed of.

My husband refused to participate in anything related to her well-being or even daily routine. Which just prepped me and gave me more time to practice being the single mum I currently am. The autism diagnosis didn’t break my marriage, ignorance did.

All those nights of me listening to the negative comments of how my daughter can never be “normal” and “isn’t acting like children her age” made me stronger and more determined to focus on her, and only her. I devoted all my free time to being the only caregiver and to support her in every possible way.

My daughter is now 3 years old and her speech and social skills are improving dramatically through the continuous sessions she is taking.

 

As parents, having a child on the spectrum is challenging because of the stages we have to go through.

1. Acceptance.

Accept autism is not something to “swipe under the rug” or something to be ashamed of. You have to realize wishing it away won’t help, it’s there and it will not go anywhere. We gave birth to miracles and they stand out more than anyone else and that to me is something to be thankful for.

2. Acknowledging our work can be twice as hard as other parents handling toddlers who aren’t on the spectrum.

It’s never ending, the routine could break us down at times, but we manage to get back up again. We believe no one else can do the job better than us and this is what keeps us moving forward. Our kids can see those invisible capes behind each of us. Just know you are fit to do it.

3. Patience.

Our kids’ behaviors are not “on purpose,” our children are not spoiled as many people tend to think. And you know what? Who cares what anyone thinks! Jump in that bubble with your child and live there.

4. Our kids know.

No matter how young your child is, they can feel us, and they know how we are feeling even if they don’t show it. My daughter can be the most affectionate and the best at showing it through those random hugs and kisses that she tends to surprise me with.

For all those single parents of children on the autism spectrum: hang in there, it’s doable. Focus on all the good moments you share with your child. Those moments count. Take it one day at a time. It’s better to focus on your miracle than give in to the denial of a spouse who thinks ignoring something might make it go away. We are all our children need, and we are enough.

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Thinkstock image by shibanuk

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