To My Son Who's Always There for His Mama With Chronic Pain
It’s just you and I, our perfect party of two. I look at our life, how far we’ve come, and I’m proud of us. Being a single mom, I worry a lot if I’m doing my best for you. Now that I’m a single mom with chronic pain, I worry even more. Especially about how my illness has affected you.
When this all began, you watched me slowly get sick. You saw me get angry and when you’d catch me crying, you were there with tissues and a hug. You noticed our active life come quickly to a halt. You asked why and I had to explain I wasn’t feeling well and my energy was gone. I told you I was a like a cell phone battery and often had to recharge.
On the days I missed work, you’d tell our uncle to buy dinner for two. You’re always watching out for me, asking me every day how I’m feeling and how my day was. When I had my two surgeries, we were both scared and cried. Again, you were there with tissues and a hug. Both times I had to leave you with family till I recovered. It broke my heart being away from you. I’m your mama, and when you needed me most to comfort you and give you hugs, I couldn’t be there.
Two years have passed and I’m still not better. Despite everything, we have a good life. Now with limits, I’m doing what I can and trying even harder to be the best mom. Thank you for the vote of confidence and for making me laugh when you tell me “I’m the best mom and I don’t give up even when I feel broken.”
These moments are embedded in my memory, the things we’ve gone through and the continued journey we’re on. Who knows what each day will bring. Please know I will never give up fighting – especially for you. For you are my son, my angel and the one with tissues and hugs.
Please remember that life is hard and doesn’t always go as planned, but you can never give up. As much as I try to protect you, the reality is I can’t. I hope you always stay the loving, caring boy you are. Believe in yourself and be patient and you can get through anything.
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Thinkstock photo via monkeybusinessimages.