Why I'm Leaving 'That Feeling' I Get From Chronic Illness Untitled


For days I’ve tried to title this feeling I’ve had lately. The title of that feeling would be the title of this post. Luckily I found one and decided to leave it untitled. That is the perfect way to describe this feeling I think all of us who endure chronic illness feel: untitled.

The feeling of helplessness.

The guilt that racks your brain while on yet another Netflix binge instead of being productive.

 

My least favorite of them all, the exhaustion that never goes away no matter how much rest you get.

The embarrassment of begging your doctor to do something, anything to help you.

The terror of working your ass off in therapy to get better but fearing you never will.

The feeling of not knowing how you feel, just knowing you don’t feel normal.

Not remembering what normal is anymore.

The weariness of needing to be in bed but not wanting to be in bed.

Not being depressed but not being happy either – just somewhere in the middle.

And the hardest of them all: yearning to feel anything other than the pain.

I hate this feeling. This feeling without a name, without a warning or directions on how to conquer it or explain it. But it comes with the territory.

I pray that everyone has something they can do to soothe that feeling. Me, I pray, listen to some music and try to watch or look at things that will force me to laugh. Slowly but surely the feeling will pass, even if only for a little while.

My best advice – don’t fight the feeling. Acknowledge it and allow it to pass. This feeling is just a part of enduring. We can all endure through this as well.

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Thinkstock photo via berdsigns.

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