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Waiting at the Bus Stop of Bipolar Wellbeing


*Looks at watch*

I’ve been waiting. I’ve been sitting at this bus stop of Bipolar wellbeing for a bit now. Several weeks, months maybe. Who knows. I’ve lost track of time. The hours, the minutes, they are blending together.

I’ve been waiting.

Patiently. I have the patience of Job, so I’ve been told. I’ve put it to the test here and now. Yesterday. The day before. It’s been awhile. I’ve been waiting. I’ve been waiting to be healed, by some doctor. Claims he can give me sleep. Long suffering without it, I’ve only gotten minor returns on my investment of good faith so far. Worse than that, I’ve been waiting.

I’ve been sitting here patiently like some stooge waiting for a lollipop. Waiting passively for someone else to cure me, to save me. Waiting and waiting and waiting. Passively. Non-constructively. I’ve put my entire world in the hands of a man in a sweater and a lab coat. I’ve done nothing else but tap my fingers while I take medicine and notate my progress. I’ve been waiting. Waiting to sleep.

I’m sick of waiting. I’m sick of being in a crouched position, being rusted away from the inside by the lack of movement. I haven’t done anything for my health, which means I have failed to fight my Bipolar from the inside. So, I’ve begun to fight back. I stopped sugar and caffeine again. It’s a repeated process, this, and I’m going to continue to repeat it until it sticks. We’ve just gone shopping, and this week I will break the cycle of eating one large meal of beef and white carbs every day at work. Five tiny meals with protein, fiber and fruits/veggies in every one. We have walks planned once or twice a week, just to start. Can’t over do it. Eventually, I’ll be doing stairs at work, just like I used to, and hitting the gym.

I’m going to do something. Anything. But it will be focused, and backed by research. I cannot continue to just sit here and wait for someone else to heal me.

I cannot just sit here and wait for someone else to heal me.

I have the patience of Job, yes, but that doesn’t mean I necessarily have to employ it constantly. I’ve been waiting. Now, it’s time to attack. It’s time to attack. It’s time to attack.

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Thinkstock photo via Cebas