How a Party Invitation Changed My Perspective as a Mom With a Disability

Typically, when my daughter receives an invitation to a party, I’m excited. I’m thrilled for her and look forward to having fun together while celebrating a special occasion, usually a birthday. But then a birthday invitation came for a slightly older friend who was having her party at the skating rink.

There are several physical activities I miss doing since becoming disabled – water skiing, hiking and roller skating being a few. And there are times I feel guilty about my lack of ability to instruct my daughter in not only these but other activities (hula-hooping, jumping rope, etc.). Before receiving the skating party invite, I would’ve told you that I would love to take my daughter to the roller rink, but I quickly found this to be untruthful when faced with the reality.

Seeing the invitation, the words “Roller Skating Rink” kept jumping out at me as if mocking me for my inability to participate, to show my daughter how to skate, to enjoy this activity with her. At least, that was my initial perception. I knew I could get on the rink with her in my power chair if the building had a portable ramp, but was wrapped up in anxiety over being stared at and put on display. I worried about my little girl not enjoying herself because of people staring, pointing, etc. I didn’t want to go and be the object of discussion; I just wanted to party at the rink with my kid.

I was explaining all of my worries and stress to a dear friend who listened patiently before saying, “You know, Lylly. If anyone does stare, perhaps it’ll be kids who’ll look at your daughter with longing, wishing their parents were on the rink with them. Or if adults stare, maybe it’ll be because you’re out there with your daughter instead of sitting on the sidelines observing.” Bam! I hadn’t considered that at all!

The day of the party, after acquiring skates for my daughter, I asked to speak to the manager and he put out the portable ramp. She held on to the back of my power chair and we went around slowly so she could adjust to the feel of being on skates. Her little friend, the birthday girl herself, wanted to hang on as well and so the three of us went around and around. We had such a great time!! I forgot all about the other people in the rink and was delighted to be out there with my little one and her friend! The few times I looked at anyone, they were either smiling as we passed them or obviously into their conversations and not paying us a bit of attention.

When I got the invitation, I allowed myself to forget that this life is our normal. Being stared at is normal, at times to the point that we don’t often even notice it (and I tend to notice it more than my 5-year-old anyway). I almost worried myself silly, and if my friend hadn’t helped me gain a new perspective, I would’ve shown up at the party feeling stressed instead of ready to take on the rink.

It doesn’t matter how I spend time with my daughter – it matters that I spend time with her. And we usually have a blast! — just as we did at the skating rink. In fact, it’s on our summer to-do list as a place to return and enjoy one another’s company!

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