The Crash That Comes After Hypomania

With the ups come the downs. The down is here with a vengeance. The scampering delight of the past few weeks has crashed me face first into the pavement. Not to say I can’t get up, but I’m slow to rise and feel heavy as lead.

I should have known when I was dancing with the kids with a little too much oomph. It felt too good. Lip syncing and flying around the kitchen. This is a good thing for some, but it is my warning that I always choose to ignore — the opposite of this feeling is coming soon. Get ready.

When you think you get a break from this illness it likes to baseball bat you upside your head to remind you that you’re never really free.

Yes, this too shall pass. People say that often and it’s not like they’re wrong. It always does. But with bipolar disorder, there’s an edge to this that isn’t just your everyday “bad mood.” Dangerous thoughts come fast. They come with a vigor and descend on you like one of those zombie armies you see in the movies. You’d better climb fast or they’ll overtake you quick. Lying in bed drowned in daydreams of death. All logic gone — the thoughts you’d never think in your right mind. The muck is thick like tar.

Don’t act on the thoughts. Just sit tight. I can vouch that this is easier said than done. If I had a buck for every time someone told me to fix it with a walk, some gratitude, a supplement or a more positive attitude, I’d be a rich woman. 

So here I sit. Filthy, heavy, breathing heavy with face just above the surface of the muddy water.

This too shall pass.

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Thinkstock photo via Transfuchsian.

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