The Crash That Comes After Hypomania


With the ups come the downs. The down is here with a vengeance. The scampering delight of the past few weeks has crashed me face first into the pavement. Not to say I can’t get up, but I’m slow to rise and feel heavy as lead.

I should have known when I was dancing with the kids with a little too much oomph. It felt too good. Lip syncing and flying around the kitchen. This is a good thing for some, but it is my warning that I always choose to ignore — the opposite of this feeling is coming soon. Get ready.

When you think you get a break from this illness it likes to baseball bat you upside your head to remind you that you’re never really free.

Yes, this too shall pass. People say that often and it’s not like they’re wrong. It always does. But with bipolar disorder, there’s an edge to this that isn’t just your everyday “bad mood.” Dangerous thoughts come fast. They come with a vigor and descend on you like one of those zombie armies you see in the movies. You’d better climb fast or they’ll overtake you quick. Lying in bed drowned in daydreams of death. All logic gone — the thoughts you’d never think in your right mind. The muck is thick like tar.

Don’t act on the thoughts. Just sit tight. I can vouch that this is easier said than done. If I had a buck for every time someone told me to fix it with a walk, some gratitude, a supplement or a more positive attitude, I’d be a rich woman. 

So here I sit. Filthy, heavy, breathing heavy with face just above the surface of the muddy water.

This too shall pass.

Follow this journey on Manic Depressive Me.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Thinkstock photo via Transfuchsian.


Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.


Related to Bipolar Disorder

portrait of a woman

The Push and Pull of Mania, Depression and Me

Before I understood my bipolar diagnosis, I just thought that mania was the creative, determined, hardworking, albeit irritable me and that the depression that came after was the sad, tired me. Depression, I understood. All too well. We are reluctant friends who do not like each other, yet find comfort in our quiet. Mania – well, she [...]
mother and daughter hugging

To the Mommas With Mental Illness Having a Tough Day, Week or Month

This week was tough. I fell into my first full depressive episode since I was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder.  Being aware of what was happening and not being able to stop the cycle was frustrating to say the least. I have felt it coming for a couple of weeks now, but I was fighting [...]
mid 30s woman standing in front of window with red cup of tea or coffee

Why Living With a Mental Illness Gets 'Boring'

It gets boring when I don’t get better. It gets boring when the same horrendous thoughts travel through my mind at 100 mph — the same thoughts that made yesterday so difficult claim my today as their own to ruin. It gets boring, saying to the same friends, who I let down last week, that [...]

Why It’s OK That You Can’t Help Me Through My Bipolar II Episodes

Bipolar II. That’s what I have, what I live with, what I have lived with for the past two years and will live with for the remainder of my life. Most of the time, it’s not so bad. Most of the time, I am OK. I am disconnected from it. It doesn’t permeate my thoughts. [...]