Yes, I Know I'm 'Always' Tired
“Hi! How are you?”
“Oh, I’m OK, I’m just really tired…”
“You’re always tired!”
Yes, I am always tired. But I have good reason to be. Every day, I face the world, with varying degrees of success. My mind is in overdrive and my body races to catch up. Or, alternatively, my mind has shut down and my limbs feel sluggish, as if full of lead — it takes every ounce of my energy to make them move. I worry about everything and anything. The simple act of getting out of bed in the morning can be absolutely draining. But I’m trying – every day I am trying my hardest to get through. My goal is 6 p.m. By 6 p.m., I am home, in my pajamas and curled up next to my husband. I can take off the mask and just be me.
Some nights, I lay awake tossing and turning, too emotional or alert to sleep. My brain leaps maniacally from thought to thought as the clock marches on, hour by hour. My body is tired from lack of sleep and the physical effects of my mental health, and my mind struggles to keep up with a roller coaster of ups and downs.
I am tired, but not just physically or mentally. I am tired of fighting against doctors and professionals who want to sweep me under the rug because I am “coping.” I am tired of jumping through hoops to get the help I need. I am tired of dodging stigma and judgment and the generic, common-sense “advice” that simply doesn’t work. I am tired of being a strain on family and friends and never knowing how the next day will turn out. But mostly, I am tired of being ill.
Those who experience this will know how exhausting it is to fight your way through each and every day — but we do it! And that is amazing! Go us!
I’m not saying my life is harder than anyone else’s (not in a million years do I think that!), or that no one else is allowed to feel tired — quite the opposite! I just wish it wasn’t such a competition. From what I have seen, any time someone mentions being tired, it becomes a competition of why another person is more tired, more deserving of exhaustion.
We never really know what someone is going though and we are all allowed to be tired, for different reasons, which are all valid. It’s OK to be tired and you should never have to worry about admitting it.
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Thinkstock photo via Archv.