The Struggle of Trying to Conceive With Endometriosis
Lately it feels like there has been an increase of people having babies or getting pregnant. Maybe it’s just because I’m actually trying to conceive these days, but who’s to say for sure. With each new congratulations I give to someone, I am patiently waiting until it is my turn to share my good news with everyone. I then start to think about what my female reproduction system is like.
I have endometriosis which is a disorder in which tissue that normally lines the uterus grows outside the uterus. I have been pregnant twice with only one live birth. My (almost) 7-year-old is my blessing. My rainbow baby. I sometimes think I waited too long to try for another, but I was 22 then and wanted my life more in order. Being almost 30, in a better position in life, I’m ready. Got the Mirena (IUD) out and I’m ready to go. I just wish my body was.
Every month for the past four months of having this thing out, I’ve thought I was possibly pregnant. Every. Single. Month. Those who do not understand might not think it’s such a big deal, but it really is. Every month I find symptoms that are early pregnancy/PMS-related…go on Google…type whatever cycle day I am and symptoms and see who got a BFP (big fat positive) pregnancy test. I hype myself up and although I also talk myself down about it, I’m hopeful. I go and buy a pregnancy test. Test myself and get a BFN (big fat negative)…go back on the trying to conceive pages and see if I still have a chance.
The motto is: it’s not over until AF (Aunt Flow – my period) shows up. Which has been happening every time. I haven’t given up on things I need to do. This month I ditched the app I have been using since before my daughter was born to track my periods. It’s not accurate anymore because it’s averaging all nine years I’ve been using it, so it has been off with when to try. I have another app now that is passed off how it’s been after the IUD removal. Next month if it doesn’t happen I’ll start taking my temperature. Waking up each day at the same time to temp myself before I get up doesn’t sound fun, but if I do it right it will be the most accurate. I guess. It’s just so frustrating that I have to do so much to get pregnant.
I sometimes worry my endometriosis is going to hold me back. It was stage 3 when it was removed at 20 years old. Months after having the ectopic. After conceiving my daughter a year and a half later, I was told to have another child in the next two to f0ur years. I chose the IUD instead.
I know it all should be fine, but I just think about it all when I end up not pregnant each month. I know it is back. There isn’t a cure. I just don’t want to go through surgery again. My heart hurts for anyone who has to do it multiple times. I would like for it all to work out without it. Which makes me worry I might have issues because of it. Frustration. Sadness. Worry. At times defeat. All feelings a woman who has reproductive issues has when trying to conceive.
I have to remember I’m not alone in my feelings. There are other women out there who are going through what I am. This is why I decided to stop being so selfish in my thoughts and write this to let others know how I feel. At times I feel like I am jumping the gun in my feelings, but I know it’s just because of the past history. I just have to remember when the time comes, it will come. I just wish it would come faster. I need to try my options. Talk to a doctor. I’m not giving up. I just need to learn patience. The IUD can cause a little delay as well, so I just need to stay calm. Easier said than done but I’m going to try. Good luck to anyone trying to conceive!
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Thinkstock photo via Foremniakowski.