Dealing With the Aftermath of a Manic Episode
No one can prepare you for the aftermath… Especially when it was your own self-destructive behaviors that caused all the chaos. That high during a manic episode… I can’t even describe it in words:
You feel like superwoman.
You feel on top of the world.
You feel everything is perfect.
You only care about yourself.
Then reality comes crashing down and erases everything you thought was so good. The crash is the worst part, and coming to terms with what has happened, and the consequences of your actions.
Some people will tell you not to take those actions again.
Others will say, “How could you possibly not know what you were doing? You are smart.”
And some will be so in shock, they do not know how to respond.
I got all three of those responses — mostly “you know the consequences, so smarten up” It does not work that way. During my highs and manic states, I do not care about the consequences. Yes, I am aware of them after the fact, but during that moment, no — I do not think about the consequences, nor do they cross my mind. It is like I am on a mission I must complete, and usually the completion is done before I can change the game plan.
Cleaning up after a bad episode is hard. I crashed after I realized all the damage I had done, locked myself in a bathroom and cried for hours on the floor, trying to wrap my brain around what happened. How could I have done all of these things to hurt others and myself?
No one can help you because they are unsure what to think of what just happened.
A good support system is helping me pick up my pieces. I still greatly struggle with dealing with my self-destructive behaviors and the aftermath they have caused.
I’m taking one day at a time and moving forward in a positive way to understand myself and my mental health.
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Thinkstock photo via Grandfailure