9 Things I Want People Who Doubt My Bipolar Diagnosis to Know

Last year, my teacher told me she didn’t believe I am bipolar. She told me that my diagnosis must be wrong because she “worked with people with bipolar and I was nothing like them.”

Despite her “opinion,” I had other people telling me they would never know I’m bipolar if I hadn’t told them. That is why I decided to write a couple things about this illness and how it affects me, so people can understand and maybe relate to what it’s like to be in my place.

1. I know how to hide my emotions and my thoughts really well, believe me. That’s why people can rarely tell how I’m feeling and (almost) never realize my sadness.

2. Most of the times, when I’m with my friends and my boyfriend in a place where I’m supposed to have fun but I don’t, I just hide it from everyone because I think it’s selfish and that I’ll ruin everyone else’s happiness.

3. I have a really awesome boyfriend who tries to make me happy, and I’m always trying to find a way to make him understand that when my depression kicks in, if she wants to stay, there’s nothing he can do to save me from that. Hopefully he will understand that his presence and his love are just what I need to keep me safe.

4. I take my medication and I have an amazing psychologist who helps me, but even though I’m that lucky, sometimes my depression comes and destroys me. Other times, my hypomania shows up and brings me some good times or some really dangerous irritability.

5. Medication can make me gain weight. It happened once and I got even worse than what I was before. I just hated who I was back then. This makes me feel really afraid when I have to change my meds.

6. When I’m having an hypomanic crisis, I just want to do a lot of things and spend money on worthless shit, but I give up in the end because I can’t complete what I start doing and that makes me feel worthless.

7. I’m afraid of my own thoughts and feelings.

8. I’m 18 and really afraid of my future because of the job market. I feel anxious and like I will never do what I like and want.

9. I live in a constant battle with my own self.

I could write a million things about how I feel and what it’s like to be bipolar, but the list would never end. So please, don’t doubt someone’s words before you know how they feel. Just offer your help — that would be great.

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Unsplash photo via Genessa Panainte

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