To the Silent Warriors Fighting Through Nights of Painsomnia

Everyone will eat waffles, pancakes and toast, oblivious to the battle you are exhausted from fighting. During this battle, you are not congratulated for fighting or hugged when you come home safe. This battle is invisible. This battle happens at the darkest hours. This battle is chronic pain. This is painsomnia.

You are awoken at 3 a.m., bones and nerves in your body screaming from pain. The heating pad is on high but feels lukewarm. The 15 seconds you stand out of the shower waiting for the water to get warm are the most painful 15 seconds of your life it seems.

Sometimes you cannot stand at all. Sometimes the bathroom floor will become your home. It will become your home because its door can conceal your muffled cries from the children or spouses who are fast asleep. There are no distractions from your pain. So you lay and let it course through your body, along with the medicine and tea you seem to gulp down with it.

You prepare yourself for the next time you will fight this battle. Fill your phone with inspirational quotes specifically for when it’s 3 a.m. and the pain is too much and you feel like you will always feel this way. You tell yourself that even though this won’t be the last time, or probably the worst time, you will make it through. The sun will rise, and with it, you will too. No matter how sleep deprived and sore, you too will rise.

Most people will not congratulate you on coming home safe from your battle, but I will. Congratulations. It was painful, exhausting and scary, but you made it. I am proud of you. Welcome home.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Thinkstock photo via MatiasEnElMundo.

Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.

Related to Chronic Pain

woman doing yoga outside

How I Use Mindfulness to Relieve Chronic Pain

There have been times when my body has felt like a prison. A chronic pain life sentence. This skin, my uniform, like a weighted suit holding me down, making it hard to breathe. I’ve resisted this pain. I’ve resented it. I’ve resented my own body. I’ve wished for a way to escape it, but I’ve realized [...]
sun shining through weeds

How to Make the Healthy Days Count

Some days, I feel like my checking in on the status of my physical and mental health is endless. Feeling depressed? I ask myself. I wait for my internal assessment, a sort of personal systems diagnostic, and find out, no, today is OK. Today seems clear on that front. All feedback loops reporting normally. Migraine? [...]
sombra therapy cream and chair massager

15 Products People With Chronic Pain Swear By

Everyone in our chronic pain community has their own tricks and techniques for coping with the pain. But there are so many lotions, oils, massagers, pillows and other tools out there meant to offer relief, it can be overwhelming to try and figure out which ones to try. We all know what works for one person may [...]
woman standing outside and looking at the camera

No, Thinking Positively Will Not Make Me Less Sick

If I played a game of Bingo with every phrase or sentence I have ever heard from anybody new I come across who asks about my illnesses, I would probably cut out the “you must think positively” first, because I have heard it so often. Yes, I know people are trying to give us advice [...]