What It's Like Living With Both Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder

Now, where do I start? I have thoughts racing around in my head. Trying to understand this dual diagnosis I have been given. Bipolar II with borderline personality disorder (BPD) underling.

What does this all mean?

Where do I start to understand?

How do these two diagnosis work together?

What caused them?

Do they go away?

I will have bipolar II for the rest of life going through treatment and medication plans, but I can be stabilized. Bipolar II is hypomanic states to depression going back and forth like a roller coaster. Some days are better than others. Some days, I am on top of the world and some days, I can’t get out of bed. Borderline on the other hand can go away with lots of counseling to alter my thought process. Borderline personality disorder impacts the way I feel and think. I am oversensitive and will judge what you say based on your tone, you body language, what you say and a million other things in my head. For myself I am preparing for the worst case scenario trying to protect myself from being hurt.

I have been told it’s common to have both and have also been told it’s rare as symptoms greatly overlap.

I researched and researched about the dual diagnosis and found minimal information to help me understand. Some days I feel like a tornado and am just waiting for the storm to pass so I can be stable again. I ask myself, is that my bipolar? Or is that my borderline? Am I overreacting? Am I manic?

I am hard to be around especially when both diagnosis are in full force and I don’t know how to cope with my behaviors and feelings. I have gotten better at learning my warning signs and ensuring that my partner is also aware. If an episode is coming, my partner can tell me to contact psych as I can’t pick out my warning signs until after the fact.

I am still looking up and learning more about my diagnosis. I have joined support groups and have an awesome support system. I learn something new about myself every day.

I have been told, “I am not the old me.” No I am not. Life throws you curve balls and it changes who you are it alters you whether it may be a negative or positive experience. We are also growing and evolving one day at a time. And that is how I will get through this dual diagnosis: one day at a time.

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Thinkstock photo via Grandfailure

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