Why the Holidays Are Hard for Me as a Christian Single With Depression

As a person of faith, I thank God each day for all the people in my life that I love and cherish so much. I feel very fortunate to have strong relationships with my parents, siblings and close friends. They have all helped me so much, without complaint, for nearly seven years since I became chronically ill.

However, at 30 years of age, I am really feeling the loneliness of being single. My desire to find a life partner is stronger than ever before. The last few days, over the Thanksgiving holiday, I felt particularly down about my single status. While I was grateful to be healthy enough to take a day trip with my family to see the aunts, uncles and cousins I love, being in a large group of married people with children felt particularly painful.

I’m looking forward to the rest of the holiday season over this next month. I absolutely love Christmas music and all of the traditions I share with friends and family. And this year, my very best friend will be getting married three days after Christmas, a celebration I’m very much looking forward to attending… even though I’ll be going stag.

The Christmas cards of friends and family with their partners and children will soon begin pouring in and my social media accounts will be filled with happy couples and their families. I’ll absolutely react positively online and in-person to these people I care for when I receive the cards and view the posts — I’m truly happy for them.

Nonetheless, in the spirit of honesty, I’ll admit that seeing other people and their partners definitely causes some depression, particularly this time of year. It’s not even that I’m jealous — I have a happy life. I just know that having a loving partner would provide the companionship I so deeply desire.

This holiday season, I wish I had someone I love to create new holiday traditions with. I want a partner to kiss underneath the mistletoe and cuddle with while we watch cheesy Hallmark movies. However, real life isn’t exactly like a Hallmark movie, otherwise I’m sure I’d be meeting the perfect person just in time for Christmas… and my best friend’s wedding.

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