When You Worry Your Mental Health Is an ‘Inconvenience’
This piece was written by Becca Martin, a Thought Catalog contributor.
You know those times when it feels like the world around you is crashing down and the walls are caving in? When it feels like nothing you do can help you escape from the hole you’re in. When it feels like you don’t belong in this world and you’re constantly feeling misunderstood, like no one else around you understands what’s going on in your head and you don’t want to try to explain because you don’t want to be a burden.
But sometimes they can tell. The people close to you can see through your endless lies that everything is “OK.” They can see you’re struggling no matter how hard you try to have it together because you can’t fake everything.
But you try. I try.
I just talk myself into believing it’s a moment of weakness, that I’m really OK, that I’m stronger than this. I tell myself to just get it together, that I’m feeling sorry for myself, that I’m making things worse in my head. I tell myself I need to stop looking at the negative side and be positive, I need to be appreciative over what I have because I really have no reason to be upset.
But sometimes you don’t need a reason because there realistically isn’t always a reason you feel a certain way.
So I put on a fake smile, I go out with your friends, I try to be happy because that’s what I’m supposed to do. I fake like I’m having fun so I don’t burden them with my feelings because the last thing I want to be is an inconvenience.
I don’t want to inconvenience everyone else’s good time, I don’t want to inconvenience people by spilling my problems on them, the last thing you want is to be an inconvenience.
No one wants to say the words, “no, I’m not OK” when asked if they’re OK because it’s associated with being “weak.” with admitting your flaws, with not being capable of fixing your own problems.
But the truth is, it takes strength to admit you’re not OK. It takes a lot of courage to talk about what’s going on inside your head.
The problem is admitting you’re not OK can make some people uncomfortable and people disconnect themselves from things that make them uncomfortable — unless they truly care.
Admitting your struggles makes you strong. It’s OK to not be OK. It’s better to openly admit you’re not doing well than it is to suck back your tears and let your emotions build up until you’re alone in your room at night crying into your pillow while you feel like you’re drowning in your own world.
At some point you have to stop beating yourself up over what you could have done better, you have to let go, you have to forgive yourself because things won’t always work out in your favor, but they’ll work out some way or another.
Just because you break down sometimes doesn’t mean you’re not a strong person. It makes you stronger because you’re accepting what’s going on in your life and you’re facing your fears of openly talking about it.
You can be worried about being a burden, an inconvenience, but the people who are truly there for you, the people who truly love you, won’t ever think you’re a burden and those are the people you need surrounding you.
Don’t assume no one cares and no one wants to help because they do. I promise you – you’re not an inconvenience.
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Unsplash photo via Quentin Keller