The Grief of Losing My Mother and Unborn Child Within Hours of Each Other
I found out on Thanksgiving I was expecting my fourth biological child. I began to bleed on a Friday. The very next day, Saturday, my mom went to be with the Lord.
I held on to hope with this baby, because I did bleed at times during my last pregnancy. However, it was confirmed I miscarried.
The hope I held on to was the positive pregnancy test I still had, although I was bleeding.
However, I knew in my heart what was happening and understood how that was physiologically possible. Losing my mom and losing our baby within hours is a hurt that is so heavy. Through it all I believe God is good. In my life I see God having a plan and a purpose, “Plans to prosper and not to harm,” as Jeremiah 29:11 reminds me.
The fact that I am an only child, no father present, and discovering my mom had no life insurance is a bit stressful to say the least. I’m having to be in “business mode” while being an encouraging momma to my three precious children, especially during the holiday season.
I know I need to grieve, and I have in brief increments. This is definitely going to be a process. However, I find peace believing my mom is in heaven and got to hold my baby before I did!
The analogy I gave to Alexis and Ava (my 13 and 11-year-old daughters) is this:
Intense workouts can hurt physically, sometimes giving one pain in one’s side or cause one to gasp for air, but both cardiovascular and physical strength will be gained! Just like those intense physical workouts, sometimes emotional and spiritual growth comes from the pains of life and the experiences that are a part of our journey. We will be stronger. We will be wiser, if we chose to be.
For me, faith is believing and trusting in Christ. I choose to walk in the faith I claim to have. I choose to be better, not bitter. I choose to be grateful. I chose to say “Thank you, Lord. Thank you for being faithful. Thank you for my mom’s salvation and the peace of knowing she is with you. Thank you that my unborn child is safe in your arms. Thank you for the promise that I will see them both again one day.”
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