Woman Points Out What 'Mentally-Well People' Don't Always Understand About Self-Care

It seems like everyone is talking about self-care these days, and on the surface that isn’t a bad thing. Of course, everyone deserves to practice self-care, and the phrase means different things to different people. But when you live with a mental illness, self-care can be a mean of survival, and it’s frustrating when part of your treatment plan seems to have been co-opted by the mainstream.

Author Jenny Trout expressed this frustration is a series of tweets on Sunday about what self-care really looks like when you live with a mental illness, and how it’s not always what “mentally-well” people think it is.

“A few short years of twee self-care tips has convinced mentally-well people everywhere that depression is something you can just wash off in a bubble bath,” she wrote. “Tip: if a mentally ill person is talking about self-care, they probably mean brushing their teeth or making a sandwich.”

Tip: if a mentally ill person is talking about self-care, they probably mean brushing their teeth or making a sandwich. In my experience and from the stories of others, self-care is rarely a candlelit bubble bath with luxurious pampering.

— ????️‍????Christophobic middle-aged sex tyrant???? (@Jenny_Trout) December 3, 2017

Of course, Trout tweeted, there’s nothing wrong with bubble baths if they do help your mental health, but this leads some to believe people with depression simply need to practice their version of self-care to stop being depressed — and that’s just not the case. Trout wrote, “If a bubblebath is your mental health self-care, there’s nothing wrong with that and I’ve yet to say that there is. My issue is with the perception that self-care is always some sumptuous, instagram-worthy moment of beautifully staged decadence.”

(Part of the problem is that a lot of us who are mentally ill do not have the energy or the voice to write seventy thinkpieces a week about yoga and bubblebaths that "allies" do.)

— ????️‍????Christophobic middle-aged sex tyrant???? (@Jenny_Trout) December 4, 2017

(If a bubblebath is your mental health self-care, there's nothing wrong with that and I've yet to say that there is. My issue is with the perception that self-care is always some sumptuous, instagram-worthy moment of beautifully staged decadence.)

— ????️‍????Christophobic middle-aged sex tyrant???? (@Jenny_Trout) December 4, 2017

In a piece about how the term “self-care” is overused, Mighty contributor Mawiyah Patten also challenged the idea the self-care equals pampering:

What social workers and other people don’t often tell you is that self-care can be completely terrible. Self-care includes a lot of adult-ing, and activities you want to put off indefinitely. Self-care sometimes means making tough decisions which you fear others will judge. Self-care involves asking for help; it involves vulnerability; it involves being painfully honest with yourself and your loved ones about what you need.

In response to Trout’s tweets, people shared what self-care meant to them. Their answers ranged from getting dressed in the morning to drinking water.

Yep! Self-care usually involves discipline and structuring your day in a way that it is manageable. It can be treating yourself nicely, but that is secondary.

— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) December 3, 2017

truth. my new year's resolution this year was to brush my teeth 2x a day everyday no matter what & I did so well for like 4 months I'm really proud

— alyssa. (@wiignewton) December 3, 2017

I love this thread. I really hope there's no one out there who FINALLY manages to get dressed in the morning and feels like they're doing it wrong because where are the bath bombs and outdoor jazz

— Known Pizza Rat (@Arithered) December 3, 2017

Self-care is reminding myself to shower. Self-care is reminding myself to take my medicine. Self-care is reminding myself to brush my teeth. Self-care is reminding myself to drink water. Self-care is reminding myself to shampoo.

— Latanya Ivey (@CraftyScribbles) December 3, 2017

Self-care during depression means making breakfast and taking the time to look presentable before leaving for my job..self-care during mania means being accountable by keeping receipts for what I've spent that day and putting them atop the fridge for partner to glance at at home

— valleycatjojo (@saveria201) December 3, 2017

What does self-care mean to you? If you’re looking for inspiration, here’s a list of 101 self-care ideas when life seems like too much.

Getty image via mh2502