What Releasing a Song About Mental Health Taught Me About Vulnerability
The most important thing I’ve learned is that the brain can only handle what it can handle when it’s ready to handle it. “Be patient with yourself.” This is something I tell myself all the time as I try to grow and become the person I want to be, as I figure out the person I am. For a long time I tried to escape myself. There are many things I have run from. Many things I have not been able to explain about myself and about my behavior for as far back as I can remember. It’s a scary feeling not being able to explain your own behavior and feelings. The fear of your own mind is perhaps the worst fear I have ever encountered. I am lucky to have had music in my life. Music has allowed me to be vulnerable in ways I’ve never imagined possible, and vulnerability is the greatest strength there is.
I am lucky and grew up with amazing parents, in an amazing neighborhood with amazing schools and amazing resources. But life can hand you cards that you don’t know how to play. Things that you cannot control happen, and you cope. I am not sure I will ever even remember everything that has happened to me. I’m not sure I really want to. The brain forgets things for a reason.
I have struggled with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), clinical depression, insomnia, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and addiction at its finest. All of which have stemmed from childhood sexual trauma and an assault that occurred while I was in college. A lot of subsequent abuse and assault followed me through middle school, high school, college and beyond due to the path addiction and self-destructive behavior often lead you down.
I’m now in recovery (I call it discovery) and have been finding myself all over the place simply by sharing my story through my music and with my fans.
There’s something extremely liberating about vulnerability, isn’t there?
Vulnerability allows us to connect to one another on a much more real level; it allows us to be aware of ourselves and of others in a deeper and more open way; it enables a sense of humility and empathy that creates a more selfless overall human nature. If fear is what confines us, and the truth sets us free, vulnerability is the strength that takes us from fear to truth. But being vulnerable is not at all easy; it takes time and a lot of effort to break out of your comfort zones. For me, it wasn’t until I took the plunge and put out my song “Somebody’s Someone,” those floodgates finally opened and I found myself breaking down my own walls and starting to live my life.
You don’t realize the weight your carrying until you try to throw it out there. ”Somebody’s Someone” will forever be the song that changed my life because it lifted a giant weight off of my shoulders and allowed me to think about my art in a whole different way; it allowed me to see my art as a platform for my own personal growth and well-being. I’m not even talking about the actual song, I’m talking about putting my story out there. Because there’s a difference between being vulnerable with ourselves and being vulnerable with other people.
It was such a vulnerable moment for me, not only because it’s a very personal song, but also because of the context it falls into: mental health. Mental health is not something we typically talk about openly, (although that is starting tochange) so naturally it felt very scary for me to publicly talk about these issues. Not that I haven’t written personal songs before, I just haven’t put my most personal songs out there. This felt very different. I wasn’t sure how people would react. Thankfully, the response has been a hopeful and inspiring one.
I am so very grateful for the overwhelming support on the release of the song. I can’t tell you how incredibly inspiring it is to see a song you’ve written from your soul doing some good in the world. It’s truly all I’ve ever wanted. I am so grateful to have the encouragement to continue on the positive path I am on, and I plan to continue to challenge myself in these capacities. My only hope is to continue to use music to connect with people who are seeking that positive path and want to spread that vibe around the whole wide world!
After releasing “Somebody’s Someone” I am feeling more connected to the world and especially to my fans and friends; I have gained a new level of self-awareness and awareness of the others around me; I have a new sense of humility and empathy and I have gained a strength that has allowed me to face my fears head-on. At the end of the day are all, or have the capacity to be “Somebody’s Someone,” we just have to let ourselves be vulnerable enough to know it.
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