Healing My Soul After My Grandchild's Death


“Whenever we suffer a physical or emotional trauma, it is said that a part of our soul flees the body in order to survive the experience. With every cut and wound, our essence and vitality grows weaker. This process is called soul loss.”

It is no wonder I have struggled to feel complete since the loss of my grandson two years ago. It all makes perfect sense to me now. I had already stated it felt as if my soul shattered into the atmosphere when told of his death. My soul has been incomplete since, and what is left of it is in anguish within me. Yes, “My soul is in anguish within me.” The damage of grief has left me broken, a hollow shell of the woman I once was. Entering the month of November, the month of Konnor’s death, where fall suddenly progresses towards the kind of bitter cold you can smell, I was numb.

I am entering the new year with the resolution to work on my soul to feel whole again progressing forward. I want to truly exist in this world and live a happy life.

This is my plan to heal my soul:

I begin by feeding my soul. It is starving for light. Feeding my soul joy will encourage its rejuvenation. Doing things that make me happy will leave me craving more, encouraging renewal. I must break my habit of hibernation and isolation. My soul cries out for healing, and I can no longer ignore the feelings of emptiness. The weight of emptiness is heavy; it leaves me weak, tired, unable to move. Seeking joy will eliminate the endless days and nights of solitude I have enveloped myself in like a soft blanket. I have grown accustomed to aloneness for so long — to be in the company of a group of people leaves me feeling anxious, insecure. Although comfortable and safe in my four walls, venturing out to seek laughter is healing and healthy. Firing off those endorphins will ignite a spark my soul has been waiting for.

Heal thyself: I ask for the healing of my soul. It’s been said to ask for a healing dream. (I believe I may have received this already as Konnor came to me in a dream recently.) I read you must ask your guardian angel to return pieces of your soul back to you. I believe my dad and Konnor can and will help me in this process. Who else to assist me in returning my broken soul than those that know of my grief?

Meditate: Creating peace within myself. Surrounding myself with a calm energy by learning to block out negative thoughts and feelings that continue to be detrimental to healing my soul. In practicing how to reprogram my mind against the raging thoughts that sabotage me I can gain peace and begin to silence the inner demons needed to calm my soul. By getting in the habit of meditating I can bring forth the positive energy buried within myself. Peace begins within.

Eating healthy: When Konnor first passed I lost 15 pounds. I could not eat. I still struggle with eating. When I can eat, unfortunately I reach for things that are not so healthy. This is further depleting my already low energy levels. Following the basic food groups I plan to eat more protein, fruits and vegetables. Fuel is energy.

Music: Food for the soul. This I always knew. Music is my therapy. I turn to it whether sad, happy or bored. When I don’t know how to express how I am feeling, the lyrics have described it better than my words ever could have.

Read: I could not concentrate on reading for a very long time. My mind would not let me. I had so many thoughts running through my brain that no matter how many times I tried, the words on the page simply jumped around and I could not make sense of what I was reading. Things have finally calmed down in my mind, and I am happy to report I read 10 books last year. Placing my mind in a another time and place has done wonders for me. Reading always made me happy and happiness is good for the soul.

Practice gratitude: I always feel better when I am grateful. Looking at things from a thankful point of view changes the perspective on life. Despite losing Konnor and suffering the greatest loss of my life, I am grateful I had those eight wonderful years with him. I am a better person for having him in my life. His life and his death has shaped me into who I have now become.

Shaman: While not everyone believes in the practice of Shamanism, it is an ancient healing tradition and spiritual practice. Shamans are known communicators with spirits. Soul retrieval is an important process in spiritual harmony and healing for the human body assisted by an experienced Shaman. If all else fails me, I plan on utilizing this form of soul healing.

My soul is my core. It is what grounds me, it is the light that burns from within me and I bring energy to it from what I gather and feed into it. “Heal thy self.”

“And so I wait. I wait for time to heal the pain and raise me to my feet once again – so that I can start a new path, my own path, the one that will make me whole again.” ― Jack Canfield, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul II

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