Why I Ended My Friendship With My 'Favorite Person'
Author’s note: This blog post has been inspired by this article on The Mighty.
A “favorite person” (or FP) in the borderline personality disorder (BPD) community is someone you absolutely love, to an extreme extent. They really are your favorite person and often you place the responsibility of your happiness onto them. They can make you feel on top of the world, or in the deepest pit — depending on whether they are paying attention to you or not.
Looking back on past relationships, friendships etc., I can think of one particular person who became my FP. Let’s call him M. M and I met while I was studying, and had a close friendship from the start. I was in an abusive relationship at the time, and M was always there for me. I confided in him a lot and the worse my relationship became, the stronger my friendship with M was. We continued talking after university and when single, we’d flirt as well. I always felt so grateful for how much he’d been there for me. We started flirting more, and even started talking about dating. I wasn’t sure at first, but then the more we talked, the more attracted to him I became. I started to put him on a pedestal, and relied on him to talk to me constantly, and be there for me constantly. At first, it didn’t seem a problem. I felt like I was his favorite person too.
But then he started dating others and I resented that. I really thought he was the best person ever, and that I was the only one he wanted to be with. I fell for him and saw him as the “one.” If we talked, everything was great, he was the best person ever and I loved him more than anything in the world. If we didn’t talk for a day, or didn’t talk much, I resented him and at times, I hated him. I felt so hurt and betrayed by him. I got very jealous of women he dated. I resented the closeness they had because I thought it should be me and him. I wasn’t a very nice person to be honest.
He did mess with my feelings. I’m not denying that. He made me think we’d have a relationship soon, then next thing I know, he was in a relationship with somebody else. He should’ve told me. I wouldn’t have liked it, but in time I’d accept it. But the way I was with him, the way I placed that responsibility of my happiness on him, wasn’t healthy. We’d have big arguments because of it.
I ended our friendship when I found out he’d got engaged, and not bothered to tell me. It would’ve been nice for him to tell me this big news, especially as we were such close friends, but I think I made a bigger thing out of it than I should’ve. I saw it as the ultimate betrayal, and ended up blocking him for it.
Nowadays, I worry about getting another favorite person. I know I ask for reassurance constantly, and think someone hates me if they don’t reply to me or start conversations with me. Whether it be with friendships or romantic/sexual relationships, when I love, I love extremely deeply. I have to be careful of that, and it has affected forming relationships.
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