My Fiance and I Are Both Autistic, but Different


My fiance Peter and I are both autistic. While we love each other dearly, there are still obstacles with communication and other differences. As Dr. Stephen Shore said, “If you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.”

Peter can be on the shy side at times, but is generally much more outgoing and extroverted than I am. Sometimes I feel like I am a huge bore to him, even though he says otherwise. I’d rather use the self-checkout line at the supermarket, while he seems more eager to make small talk with cashiers. I will admit I’d rather crawl under a rug, figuratively speaking. He likes to go out more than I do. I can literally stay at home for weeks without going out. All of this isn’t necessarily negative. He helpfully pulls me outside of my comfort zone at times, and I probably do the same for him.

I also perceive words and actions much more literally than Peter usually does. He sometimes reminds me that I am taking things more literally than I need to, but I cannot seem to see it any other way. In other words, shouldn’t I trust that what another person is saying is accurate and completely true?

Another stereotype I know isn’t true about all autistic people is that we all have very narrow, special interests. Well, the stereotype is true for me — I am intensely interested in how people work — especially psychological disorders they may have. I do not have a very wide range of knowledge. Peter, on the other hand, has a very wide range of knowledge and will definitely talk with you about what he knows. Since I am interested in people, this never bores me, even if I am a little clueless about his chosen topic at times. I am more reserved though, and tend to speak about my special interest with few others.

Things we have in common that may seem autistic include, but are not limited to: sensory processing issues, unique senses of humor, social awkwardness even though our eagerness differs, extreme curiosity and more. Peter and I met online on an Everyday Asperger’s thread. And while many things are easier about being two Aspies in a relationship, there are also differences to work out that make it like any other relationship. It’s not all “fun and games…” it can be work, for sure. I’d like others to realize that just as there are no two neurotypicals alike, there are no two autistics alike.

Getty image by Burakkarademir.


Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.


Related to Autism Spectrum Disorder

Android logos.

The Things Autistic People Are Passionate About

If you’re familiar with autism, I’m sure you’ve heard of the term “special interests.” Everyone has something they have a passion for, or a hobby. Autistic people are no different. For us, that passion is often simply intensified. For example, anyone who has known me since I was around 10 knows my main obsession: Sonic [...]
Tired man sitting by the window.

One Part of Sensory Overload You Might Not Think About

When you hear “sensory overload,” what do you think? Most would think a loud room with lights and things rubbing against them, or another form of “a lot of things at once,” right? I want to tell you there is a another form of sensory overload that often gets left out. It’s actually the same [...]
Boy holding train while sitting on a car

Could My Child Be on the Autism Spectrum?

By the age of 2, my sons were not speaking words and sentences the way other children in their preschool groups were. They each showed precocious signs of their intellectual development, such as my older son drawing and diagramming out “The Very Hungry Caterpillar” book, including writing out words like “egg,” “cocoon,” “caterpillar.” In fact, [...]
Mother and son smiling at camera

To My Autistic Son on His 18th Birthday

Happy 18th birthday T.J.! My sweet boy, you have been counting down the days to your 18th birthday since January 1st and it’s finally here! In honor of your big day, I wanted to make sure you know a few things about how I feel raising such an amazing kid. You made us parents. Your [...]