Growing up, most of us arenāt taught about our feelings and mental health. So if you are a kid struggling with the uncomfortable feeling of loneliness,Ā itās easy to think thereās just something wrong withĀ you.
What might look like ābeing shyā or being an āimaginativeā kid on the outside can sometimes be indicative of a deeper struggle. Itās important to rememberĀ young people do experience loneliness ā and we need to know the signs. To find out how people knew (in hindsight) that they struggled with loneliness as a kid, we asked ourĀ mental healthĀ community to share signs they experienced chronic loneliness growing up.
Hereās what they had to say:
- āChasing people who donāt want you for affection they arenāt going to give you. Itās so easy for someone to lead you on and it causes such bad downward spiral. Iāve never felt more alone than when you realize you have been used and discarded.ā ā Callum C.
- āI made up lots of stories and things about myself, to make myself seem ātoughā and āhardcoreā for attention, and because I felt no one would be around long enough to figure out I was lying.ā ā Amanda Z.
- āOver-talking whenever thereās someone to talk to, because having no one for long periods makes it just pour out even if youāre aware itās incredibly socially awkward.ā ā Violet F.
- āI grew up isolated. For a while, I hoarded pets because I was so alone in the world. No one understood or cared about my existence. My animals were my only friendships, my companions, my only reason for living. I rescued as many as I could to find worthy purpose in a lonely reality.ā ā Nicole E.
- āNever having one best friend, a person. I always volunteered to work events because it kept me busy and the work gave me satisfaction. Aside from my husband and son, I end up going weeks without talking to anyone. When I was young, I read for companionship; now I have Netflix.ā ā Lynn L.
- āI read a lot and before I could read I had a vivid imagination. When no one wants to play with you or you have no one to go out with as an adult at night, reading books is your best friend. That and my animals.ā ā Jennifer D.
- āI always felt lonely and found it very disturbing. Daydreamed a lot, literally every second. I searched for peopleās attention, tried to make everybody happy to fill that hole in my heart. I completely forgot myself over helping others and making others happy, no matter the cost. It drained me so much that I had extreme suicidal thoughts. Kept on going like this for years.ā ā Saraya V.
- āI cling emotionally to others who Iāve grown close to and reach out for support from my closest friends because my own parents donāt interact with me as much. I donāt always start conversations much because I feel awkward around strangers. I want to fit in and be around people, but that constant feeling of becoming a burden stops me in my tracks and keeps me in my head when I head out of my house. Iām in college, so the friends I make leave anyway.ā ā Vanessa B.
- āAssuming that I was the ādisposableā person in the group, and that I wasnāt there because anyone was really friends with me, but just because they didnāt want to look rude. I had a firm conviction that I would always be lonely, which I struggle with to this day. I never thought of myself as anyoneās true friend, just someone they allowed in their group, and who they might leave behind at a momentās notice.ā ā Jacinta M.
- āI used to go in the bathroom and spends hours in the bathtub full of water. I always needed to lie down after doing simple everyday task. I would be extremely exhausted some days.ā ā Nica C.
- āI talk to myself and I would stare obsessively at pictures of musicians or actors and talk with them. I would live in my head and make up friendships with them.ā ā Stephanie H.
- āChasing people, being used by people and discarded like rubbish, wanting friends and a possible relationship, but [being] terrified at the same time. Anxiety around people, isolating myself and pushing people away.ā ā Justin L.
- āI get obsessive towards a person who wants to be friends or talks to me. Any interaction, I obsessā¦ā ā Sarah S.
- āI was attention-deprived as a kid, so I developed attention-seeking behaviors. I took baths and played with rubber toys, making up pretend worlds with pretend friends until I was about 12.ā ā Lizzy M.
- āExcessive helpfulness/having to make everyone food anytime they come over. If I keep helping them, theyāll hang out longer.ā ā Cheyenne L.
- āI never learned how to make and keep friendships. At church Iām very outgoing, but at home, I can always just stay alone and be fine. I have only had one BFF.ā ā Steve H.
- āI donāt feel like I belong anywhere. Socializing is wanted, but exhausting. I feel like I canāt connect with anyone. No best friend, never been in a relationship.ā ā Tepp V.
- āSuper active imagination. I had tons of imaginary friends and used to imagine living far, far away.ā ā Shelley A.
If you grew up chronically lonely, youāre not alone. We are so grateful youāre here and in our community. If youāre struggling, we encourage you to post a Thought or Question about it on the site to get support from other people in our community who get it.
Unsplash photo via Aleyna Rentz