I Take Psychiatric Medication to Feel OK, and That's OK

In the mouth, down my throat, and into my stomach is where those pills go. It’s a constant cycle that I do three times every day. It’s those pills that stay in my bloodstream to help me feel balanced.

I find it odd sometimes when I think about it. Every morning I pick up the medication bottles and I’m supposed to think that these pills are what’s going to make me happy and not anxious. Right?

Should I call them “happy pills”? I feel weird when people first find out about them since I have to take it three times a day. I feel like they’re quietly saying, “So you’re on drugs to make you feel happy? It’s all just in your head.”

But it’s not. I had to accept the fact that medication is what I need right now. Medication, “happy pills,” are what I need to feel sane is this dark, cold world. If I didn’t have those pills, I’d feel lost, suicidal, empty, constantly on edge and have panic attacks.

I will say this: those pills do work but I still have dark days. I still have moments when I just want to sleep and escape reality. I still get thoughts of self-harm. I still get moments where I feel empty, but that doesn’t mean I’m not happy. I just have moments.

So, yes, I take prescription pills to make me feel OK. I take medicine to address the problems in my brain. It’s not forever — hopefully. It’s just what I need for the time being. And I learned to be OK with that.