When I Say I Do Not Want to Change My Son With Autism

Being a parent of a child with autism is often not an easy road to travel. Our kids struggle in many areas of daily life. Children with autism have incredibly enhanced senses and that can make this world very hard to live in. Many struggle in areas such as social skills, the environment around them, fine motor skills, gross motor skills, lack of safety awareness, speech delays, developmental delays and more. We often need to take our children to more than one type of therapy, and many of our children will have several specialist physicians. With all the therapies, appointments, at home sessions, car rides, and all of the general daily activities, life can be physically draining for both parents and children.

Even with all we have to do day-to-day, many of us say, “I do not want to change my child.” Yet we take them to therapy, work with them at home, seek professional assistance in all the areas where our child struggles. Why would we do all of this if we don’t want to change our children?

1. Our children have to live in this world.

The world can be incredibly overwhelming for a child with autism. Because our children’s senses are so enhanced, just leaving the comfort of home can cause sensory overload and anxiety. Outside of the home the lights are brighter, the sounds are louder, the smells overpowering, and the textures are abrasive. Because of this our children can be filled with anxiety, emotionally shut down or have meltdowns. Going to therapy can help us and our children find good coping skills and also teach parents the types of accommodations that can help our child.

2. Our children want friendships.

Our children struggle with social skills, and many children do not understand the way our kids communicate. Having social skills can help our children maneuver through certain social situations and help them make friends who love them for them. Therapy can help them learn to navigate socially, have appropriate conversations if possible, and just have fun and play with their peers. Our children have a disability, but they also need to be children and therapy can help them do just that.

3. Our children often have difficulties finding their words.

Some children are verbal, some are moderately verbal but delayed, and others are nonverbal. Our children typically do not understand things like sarcasm or idioms and these are used quite often in the English language. We can send our children to speech therapy to help our children better understand general conversations and teach them how to hold a conversation. Speech can also help increase vocabulary with our children. Speech can also help children who are nonverbal by assisting with other methods of communication such a speech apps or sign language. Everyone who can communicate can learn to communicate; our children may just need some extra help getting there.

4. Our children often have a difficult time handling certain textures.

Some fabrics can be unbearable to our children because their senses are incredibly increased. Just putting on a cotton t-shirt can be unbearable if the texture feels harsh to their sensitive skin. The shirt can feel heavy or like is scratching their skin. Some children have difficulties wearing certain fabrics because of this sensitivity. Therapy can help with coping or work with the child to help get them acclimated to the fabrics that are hard for them to wear.

5. Our children have difficulties meeting milestones.

Imagine all of your friends taking off on their bikes and leaving you behind because you can’t peddle yet. Our children can be delayed in the very basic activities of daily life such as riding a bike, tying their shoes, brushing their teeth, getting dressed, fastening buttons etc. Occupational therapy can help our children learn to do these things and develop independence.

6. Our children may have food aversions.

Many children with autism have a very limited diet. Just the texture or smell of food can be unbearable to a child. Most children will eat when they get hungry, but not our children. They may starve themselves rather than eat something they can’t stand to smell or even touch. Feeding therapy can help our children gradually increase their tolerance to different foods and learn to love food.

7. Our children often have anxiety.

Because their senses are heightened, the rest of the world can be very scary to a child with autism. Lights are brighter so going outside may not be an option. Sounds are louder and simply going to a restaurant can be unbearable. Some children are so sensitive to touch they not want to be touched even by their parents. Our children can benefit from a few therapies that make sensory issues more bearable, and coping skills to help with challenging environments.

8. Our children frequently have difficulties with new places.

New smells, new sounds, new lights, new textures. It can be incredibly overwhelming to visit a new location. Meltdowns occur when the child is in sensory overload. Children can become absolutely overpowered by the environment they are in and often cannot express what they are feeling when overloaded. Meltdowns happen when the child has no other way of expressing their discomfort and/or anxiety. Therapy can help acclimate the child to new places and how to cope with a new change when gradual change is not an option.

9. Our children can have difficulties in school due to attention issues and motor skills.

My son has difficulty with handwriting. It’s difficult for him to write for an extended period of time because his hands get tired and his fine motor skills are delayed, making it hard for him to write legibly. His therapist are working with him to master handwriting. Many factors can cause lack of attention in the school setting. It could be something as simple as a buzzing in the light above them that no one else seems to notice. Many children with autism have delays in both gross and fine motor skills, but therapy can help them meet these milestones. Therapy can also help our child learn how to self-manage even with distractions.

10. Our children all have different needs.

Autism isn’t one size fits all. Each child has their own set of difficulties and thankfully there is a therapy that can assist in most of these areas. Occupational, physical, speech, feeding, ABA, social skills, equestrian and music therapies can help our children learn to live in and love a world they cannot control.

This autism journey is often not an easy one, but autism is a part of our children and helps make them who they are. It helps them see the world in a way most cannot. Autism helps them think outside the box; we need people like our children in this world. We do not want to change our children, because they are amazing just the way they are. We do not take our children to therapy to change them. We take them to therapy to help them gain independence. We take them to therapy to help them learn to navigate socially. We take them to therapy to give them a voice. We take them to therapy to teach them to adjust to change. We simply want our children to be the beautiful souls they are and make it easier for them to navigate in this world.