How You Can Support a Person With Depression

Living with depression everyday is a seemingly insurmountable task. Everyone who has ever experienced a bout, whether for a few weeks or for years, knows the fight is demanding, exhausting and frustrating. The bright spots that appear momentarily throughout the day are often covered up by clouds of sadness, dejection and hopelessness. Those clouds precipitate tears, pain and anguish.

But the truth is, in order to clear the clouds, people with depression need to feel heard and understood, not told to “be happy,” or “it’s a phase,” or any other superficial, Hallmark card well-wish.

People with depression need empathy and non-judgmental support. Empathy is an interpersonal skill that is all about trying to understand how someone else is feeling while being sincere and non-judgmental. It is not sympathy — “I’m sorry” or pity. Imagine how the other person would feel, whether you’ve been in their shoes or not.

Here are some ways you can be a supportive friend/spouse/classmate/etc. to a person with depression.

1. Communicate with empathy.

One of the best ways to communicate empathy is to identify an emotion. Challenge yourself to learn more emotional vocabulary. Here’s an example, “It would feel (insert emotion here) to be in your position.”

2.  Advice isn’t always helpful.

Often times, people with depression don’t need your input. They may feel like they’ve already tried different strategies. Rather than being told what to do, people with depression want to be heard and understood. Try your best to reduce the amount of advice you give, and listen more.

3. Validate their experiences.

Expressing to someone with depression that you believe their struggles is necessary to show empathy. This is extremely important for survivors of sexual harassment and assault and other trauma.

4. Give them space.

Depression is exhausting. Don’t overwhelm someone by hovering. Make sure they understand that you’re there to support them, but also understand that sometimes they need to be alone.

5. Don’t change who you are.

If you know someone who has recently been experiencing a battle with depression, don’t redefine your relationship with them. Maintain your personality. Keep everything as normal as possible.

6. Use person-first language.

Stigma has made it very difficult for some people to communicate how they are feeling. Rather than saying “She/he is depressed” change your sentence to “she/he is living with depression.” This is also true for individuals with disability. Change “she/he is disabled” to “she/he lives with a disability.” People who live with depression or a disability are more than just a diagnosis. They’re valuable people with potential capable of strong contributions in our world, even though they might not feel that way sometimes.

7. Don’t view them differently.

Depression is a feeling, not a personality trait.

Do you have any suggestions that would be helpful to a person with depression? Tell us in the comments.