8 Tips for Enjoying Sex With a Disability

Intimacy can be a barrier for many people, but especially if you’re disabled. I’ve spoken to many of my disabled peers and compiled some information and tips to share with you all. Here is some advice for having sex with a disability.

1. Communication.

Communication is a major part of sex for anybody, but especially when you have a disability. Talking openly about your needs and desires can help you and your partner feel more comfortable during the experience. It can be hard being vulnerable, but it’s a must to truly relax and connect.

2. Confidence.

Owning your body the way it is can help you so much. You don’t have to love it, but to just say “OK, this is what we are working with,” can be ground-breaking. Pretending and hiding parts of yourself isn’t good for anybody. It’s hard to have confidence, but little things can help. You need confidence to be able to ask for what you want and deserve in all areas of life, especially sex.

3. Comfort.

Pillows are an obvious must-have if you have any kind of disability or discomfort. You can use them under your back, legs, head, stomach, just under one leg — whatever you need. The more comfortable you are, the easier you can relax and enjoy.

4. Toys.

Sex toys are a great way to increase sensation during intimacy. They make all kinds that can meet different accessibility needs. You can use them alone or share with a partner. You can find out more about accessible sex toys here on The Mighty or on Cripping Up Sex With Eva.

5. Masturbation.

The only way you learn what you like is through trial and error. Having a disability or illness comes with a lot of that, including in the bedroom. Masturbation is a great form of self-care and stress relief, and orgasms can be a great painkiller.

6. Lube.

Lube is very underrated — but the more lubrication you have, the less discomfort you’re likely to experience. They have lubes that can help increase sensitivity too, which can be useful if you have a lack of sensation.

7. Sex is about more than genitals.

Believe it or not, you can be intimate and make someone feel good with more than just genitals — which is good news if you have no sensation down there, if penetration is painful or if sensations are distorted. These are called erogenous zones — areas of the human body that have heightened sensitivity, the stimulation of which may generate a sexual response, such as relaxation, the production of sexual fantasies, sexual arousal and orgasm. Touching these areas during intimacy can generate a greater sense of relaxation and pleasure. The scalp, lips, neck, chest, nipples, inner arm, thighs and of course the genitals are all erogenous zones.

8. Ask others.

Ask your disabled peers what they’ve found helpful — you can comment below too with some advice.