themighty logo

How I Learned to Control My 'Bipolar Rage'

I used to have terrible anger and fits of rage. I just got so mad so easily. I would break down and start cussing, screaming and stomping. I was losing jobs and friends; making my family hate me. Finally, one day, I decided I wanted to fix this.

This is about anger management, fits of rage and emotional meltdowns. This does not include sensory meltdowns.

If I feel it coming, I step away. If I already said something, I stop right when I realize it. You will get better at it every time you do it. No pressure. Just try it once.

Relaxation Techniques

Find some techniques off the internet. Try a few. Once you find one you like, do it at least a few times a week. It’s most effective if you do it once daily. I did it when I came home from work before I settled in for the evening. Before bed is also a good choice. My favorite is to start with my head and neck, and work my way down. Some people like to start with their hands. While I am doing it, I say the word “relax,” slowly over and over. I have trained my body. When I think or say “relax,” my body starts the technique automatically. Then, when I have a fit of rage, all I have to do is think, “relax,” and I just start doing the technique. In time, it becomes more powerful than the anger, frustration or stress.

A meditation I use is trying to feel the anger in my body and work it out of me. For me, anger is in my shoulders and wrists. I wiggle the spots I feel the anger. Besides doing the meditation just after I experienced a fit of rage, I like to do this in the late evening to work out other emotions and feelings I had that day.

Attitude

It took two years for this to soak into my brain: it’s not worth it. It’s not worth the stress. It’s not worth the possible consequences of it. Why worry about asisine people, mouthy crap or petty problems?

People often say, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” Nobody tells you how to do it. A 12-step program taught me this saying:

“Settle for disorder in lesser things for the sake of order in greater things; therefore be content to be discontent in many things.”

You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to let one small problem be as it is, one time. Then, work from there. Just accept that one little problem is going to happen. Then, after that, you can accept another little problem. The more you do, the easier it gets.

I’m not going to experience a fit of rage because nobody did their dishes. I’m not going to argue and get in a fight with everybody over it because it just causes drama and it still won’t get done. I’m not going to be stressed out all day because my co-worker said something bad about me. I’m not going to get mad because the paperboy didn’t toss the paper on the porch. I’m not going to get mad because the dog took a crap in the living room.

Every time you let a problem be, there is less stress in your life. Right then. Not next week or sometime in the future. Right then.

Eventually, you can do it without practice. It becomes habit. It took me two years. I still get mad all the time, I just don’t waste my time on it. I feel sorry for people instead of being mad at them.

A 12-step program held my hand. You can also have a counselor or therapist hold your hand. It’s a lot easier than going it all on your own.

Good luck and I wish you the best in handling fits of rage and meltdowns.

Original photo by author