I Wish People Would Stop Using This One Word to Describe Borderline Personality Disorder

When I am shuffling through music and find a good song, naturally, I must hear it again. If it’s really that great, I hit the repeat button and let it wash over me like the never-ending tide. The entire thing plays until I feel it deep in my bones. The lyrics can resonate so deeply I must hear it again to ensure it truly means something to me. Not every song leaves an impact behind though, some just make my body move and that’s more than enough for me. From television shows to music, I have always found something worthy of another go-around. Media isn’t the only thing I’ve left on repeat over the years, though, and there are some things I just can’t stand to hear again.

If I sit down and list the terms thrown at me in malice, there is always one that comes up more than any other. It’s the one word that triggers a full-body skin crawl and sends me one of two ways: anger or full-on gaslit. Dramatic, often used to describe a breakdown on my part, is such a destructive and dismissive term. It makes the party it’s being directed at stop and question the validity of their emotions. No one should ever be left with the sinking feeling of being called “dramatic.” It isn’t fair and honestly doesn’t address the root of a problem, it dismisses it with one vile accusation.

My own turmoil started with my mother, and while my father passively watched, they’d both frequently accuse their hurting child as being dramatic. I am diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD), depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). These days, I take my medicine proudly and work through therapy with all I am. I feel a duty to break the cycle of abuse in my family. It goes back generations and I constantly tell myself I won’t wear those chains to pass them along to my children. At a very early age, I vowed not to have my own kids, I feared I might “break” them like I am. I’m not broken though, I just live life with different scars.

Looking back to the near hundreds of times I was told I was just being dramatic, it can always be tied back to some trauma that was surfacing in the form of verbal or emotional outbursts. I was crying out desperately for help and no one listened. They’d make accusations of drama for the sake of attention, but I did need attention. I needed the time and care of someone to help me through what I was feeling. It didn’t stop with them. Other family, friends and even lovers have tossed the same word my way when I became difficult for reasons they never stopped to understand.

My past is littered with instances of my cries for help being shrugged off as “dramatic.” As a child, it’s difficult to discern the gravity of the situation, and some can trust those words. It causes a fracture in self-trust and boils down to near gaslighting. As an adult, it just plain hurts to have something so important in the moment looked down on in such a way. One single word can send both children and adults spiraling, and it is not fair. We have to learn to look the problem in the eyes and not assume it’s just some ploy for attention. You know what they say about assuming? It’s true. If we address this properly, and with love, the instances very well could dwindle in frequency. Even if they don’t, no one has the right to call anyone else “dramatic.”

You must stop before the word hits your lips and assess the situation. The only time the label, “being dramatic” should be given to someone is for their acting on a stage. Individuals going through a crisis are not acting. They are not “having dramatics” just for the sake of it. It feels awful to be amid something so deep and have someone dismiss it with one phrase. “You’re being dramatic,” helps only the speaking party. It gives them the perfect excuse to hold the high ground and walk away. It gaslights the person in pain to thinking their feelings aren’t valid. It causes a hesitation that hurts almost as much as the source of the break. Stop leaving the scene and look the person hurting in the eyes. There is a root there, you just need to take the time to find it. As someone who has been waved off for so many years, I can tell you how much it means to just have a nonjudgmental shoulder to lean on when I feel broken.

We, as a whole, need to remove this word and phrase from our wheels. It’s easy to spin and toss it out, but the repercussions are not worth it. I use it on my own behavior frequently and have to tell myself to stop, it’s just my mother’s word echoing from my lips. In many cases, you direct it back at yourself like a parrot mimicking words. It has been carved into your vocal cords and comes so easily. You destroy yourself in one go and it isn’t fair, you deserve better than that. I do, too, and I’m just as guilty about not rolling with my emotions and letting it go to the wind rather than dealing with it head-on.

Sticks and stones may hurt, but words can be destructive. Whether they come from an outside source or from your own lips, don’t allow it. This year, I want to encourage you to stop allowing that word to make you question yourself, pierce you as an insult and weigh you down. You’re not dramatic, it’s so much deeper than that. Don’t allow anyone to dismiss or destroy how you’re feeling. You are valid, but that word is not. We need to join hands and learn more caring terms for the sake of those struggling.

Take that word off repeat and find something softer on your heart. We aren’t dramatic, we are just expressing what we need to in our own way. And there is not a single thing wrong with that.