Losing Alex Trebek: Grieving The Loss of America's Favorite Host

My grandma and I used to watch Jeopardy when I was old enough to count the scores, but not answer most of the questions. In a trauma filled time of my life, Alex Trebek was a positive and steady constant. He treated contestants with respect, he made you laugh with his dad humor. He had command of his stage and you wanted his nod of approval — the cash money was nice too.

I barely found my place in middle school, I was bullied often and had low self-esteem, but trivia was my forte. No one could take that away from me. Trebek taught me to lean on context clues and how to run a board of questions. It was all very nerdy and very me, but it was home.

I joined the high school brain bowl which lasted until I had to start working at Wendy’s. It was an escape from a tumultuous home life. We’d travel to different schools, with hopes of winning the brain bowl trophy. No host was ever quite as smooth as Trebek, they didn’t seem to live, eat and breathe their craft, but they did what they could.

Flash forward to graduate school. I’m watching Jeopardy with my girlfriend, now wife, and she’s beating me by a long shot. I’ve met my match in so many ways, but truthfully, I’ve never scored more points than her. It feels great to be able to share my love for the show, and my admiration for Trebek with someone I’ll spend the rest of my life with. Years later, my wife would walk into our living room and tell me the horrible news that Trebek died from pancreatic cancer.

The floor dropped from beneath me when I heard the news. Still grieving the loss of Chadwick, I was in no way prepared for the shock of learning one of my idols had passed away. Though I’d never met Trebek in person, he was truly like a grandfather to me.

The thing about death and dying is that no amount of heads up can ever prepare you for reality. Back in March 2019, Trebek told the world “Now, just like 50,000 other people in the United States each year, this week I was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer.” We held out for him, I held out for him. And, in some many ways it makes the pain worse.

In a year where so many of us are grieving the life we used to know, so many of us are now dealing with the loss of someone who we’ve grown up with, laughed at parodies about and have even imitated.

Experiencing loss is an ever turning wheel of doubt, depression, bargaining, anger, hope and a cacophony of other unpredictable feelings. At times it’s hard to breathe, and sometimes we worry we’ll forget the face of the person we lost.

For me, coping isn’t about solutions or identifying an end, it’s getting to the next day. It’s learning to be okay with just-good-enough, and inviting myself to be brave enough to say this hurts.

This one hits hard, celebrity or not, I’m saying prayers for Trebek’s wife and children. I’m thinking about all the people he’s impacted, the people whose lives are better from watching the show like I did.