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My Breakup Letter With 2020

As 2020 comes to a close, I imagine we all are having a huge sigh of relief — this terrible year is finally over!! So what has 2020 been like for you? Did you just have the worst year ever? Or was it OK for you? Did you have good things happen? Or just crappy things? Did you learn something about the world, or about yourself? I asked myself these questions about 2020, plus a few others, the strangest, weirdest, oddest year of our collective lives! What are your answers? I’d like to share my answers with you! Read on!

And you know, I’ve never written a “breakup” letter before, so this is a first for me! I’ve been thinking about this anonymous quote I found: “At 12:01 am on January 1, for the first time ever, Hind Sight will actually be 2020.” Wow!

My Breakup With 2020

I was so looking forward to 2020 — a year with possibilities!
The way I looked at it — now I can see better, right?
Just like when I was a kid, and wore glasses
When I got new ones, the world around me was a little clearer
So as December 2019 came to a close
I was hoping and yearning for my healing to be better — to be clearer
So I could actually see and understand what was happening in my mind!

So January rolled in, cold and a little snowy
I decided not to make New Year’s Resolutions
Because I never was very good at keeping them past January anyways
I just kept looking forward, hoping for the best, trying my best
February came, still cold, and I muddled through
These two months my therapist and I
Worked through some very troubling stuff — yet I still had hope

Then March came — what the hell is going on now?
It was like an atomic bomb was dropped into our collective lives!!
All at once we’re told to wear masks, stay at home, “social distance”!
Plus wash our hands — well, I do wash my hands
And I was almost always home anyways, but…
At first, I didn’t feel much different, as I’ve already written about
But after a while, my world started closing in
And I wondered — are other people feeling this way?

As time marched on, April came, I was doing OK
I was having my therapy sessions on video, which I wasn’t happy about
But it was either that — or nothing
By June… I started feeling lonelier
I was seriously missing actual human contact!
And I was desperately yearning for hugs!
This was really starting to feel not only uncomfortable, but painful!!
And it was wreaking havoc on my mental health!

I very begrudgingly kept trying to cope
Although I will say, some days it really didn’t go very well
And I slowly realized that many others, well, actually a lot of people
Were having just as much difficulty as I was
Even my therapist was struggling!
At one point she was planning on retiring by the end of the year!
That rocked my world in a very different way!
My work on everything else just stopped for a while!

July, August, September — will this ever end?
Unfortunately, this was now becoming a “routine” — Damn!
I had found several outlets that helped me try to keep focus
My individual therapy, my DBT group, my support group
And many online events sponsored by The Mighty!
They have very much helped me to get connected with others!
And find support through those who understand and relate to all of this!

So why do I want to “break up” with 2020?
Yeah, I’m sick of this mess that the whole world is in!
How it has messed up everyone on the planet in very strange and weird ways!
The economy — world-wide and individually
Connecting with others — social distancing puts a damper on all interactions
Like being with friends and family, and going to parties or concerts!
And things all of us do on a daily basis, like going out in public!
But for me, what I dearly miss the most are hugs with family and friends!

Am I ready to wipe the slate clean? Hell yes!
2020 — you have wiped out any semblance of sanity or “normal” for ALL of us!
I rid myself of you, and all your germy parts
I’m ready for a brand new year — 2021!
It can’t possibly be any worse than 2020 has been!!
I will try to erase you from my memory and all the turmoil you have caused
Well, maybe…

So have I learned anything from you 2020?
Well, first, I’m stronger and more resilient than I thought!
It has taken most of this year, but with the help of my therapist
I’m learning how to start feeling emotions, and starting to name them
I’m appreciating zoom for connecting me to the world outside my house
And grateful to The Mighty for connecting me to new friends
And through that, exploring my writing in a new way —
Through the Journaling Workshop and prompts from Sarah!

One surprising thing that has helped me through this “Storm” of 2020 —
My decision to finally start publishing on The Mighty!
And this was not a decision I came to lightly!
I was scared to death to put my writing “out there”!
I was afraid of how people would respond, but the response has been amazing!
Not only has it been cathartic and validating for me, for what I feel
But it has been relatable and validating for others too! Wow!
I never would have expected that! It blows my mind!

What else have I learned?
I should never take life for granted, or go back to what my “old normal” was
It’s time for me to create my “new normal,” and reach out for help when I need it
Try to be positive, focus on today, and what I can do to make my future better
Procrastinating too much can be detrimental to my health
I understand better that everything takes work — a little or a lot!
And often can be uncomfortable or painful before it gets better
But it certainly has been worth the work I have put into it

What can we all learn from 2020?
Washing hands is a very good thing for everyone to do
Everyone’s “space” is their own space, and should be respected
ALL of us are responsible for the health of our precious planet!
This is the only place in the galaxy we can live people!
We all need to get along with each other, no matter what
There are so many ways that we can help and support each other!
We each only have one life to live — because this is our ONE SHOT!!
Let’s live it to the fullest!


Getty image via Dilok Klaisataporn