A Different Way to Think About Removing Mental Health Stigma

David Vetter was known as “the bubble boy” because his immune system was so weak, he had to spend his whole life isolated in a sterilized germ-free bubble. If doctors could have strengthened his defenses, sterilization wouldn’t have mattered, and he would have been free. When it comes to freeing ourselves from the threats attacking our mental health, strengthening our defenses should be our priority as well. Unfortunately, many people want a sterilized environment.

When I was a suicidal teen, I didn’t want to tell anyone how I was feeling or expose my vulnerabilities. Because of the mental health stigma, the chance of rejection or ridicule was far too great. All I did instead was wish for these threats to go away. But since that wasn’t possible, I hid from the world in my safe little bubble.

After my suicide attempt, a week before my 16th birthday, I spent two years in lockdown treatment centers. Since everyone in there was struggling with something, I had no problem telling anyone about my past. My walls were down, and being open facilitated my recovery.

Despite this freedom, when I returned to “normal” life and started a new high school for my senior year, everything changed. The environment overwhelmed me with the pressure to fit in and be normal again. Because of the stigma, I was too terrified to tell anyone my story and didn’t want to jeopardize my ability to make friends or date.

However, when I applied to college later that year, the “anonymity” of being behind an application gave me the courage to open up. Regardless of what the personal essay question was in the application, I managed to work suicide into the answer. If it asked about the biggest battle I’d conquered, growth I’d made or simply an interesting fact, I wrote about suicide and institutionalization.

I applied to about 10 schools and hoped that at least one would accept me. My expectations were low, however, since I had unimpressive grades, no extracurriculars and a different high school listed for each year (two of which were treatment centers). Despite having such a poor transcript, half of the schools I applied to offered me a scholarship because of my essay.

Because of this positive response, when I started college the next year, I had the courage to tell people my story despite my fear of the stigma. To my surprise, the most remarkable thing happened which forever changed the way I spoke about depression and suicide — everyone loved it.

Not only did they love it, but they usually reciprocated my openness by sharing some of the greatest struggles and tragedies in their life. Quickly, I learned that if I ever wanted to facilitate the development of a friendship, a romance or an employment opportunity, I would include suicide in the conversation.

Today, it’s a joy to tell people about my suicide attempt because I know everyone is struggling with something. Even if they don’t have the same experiences I have, everyone knows what it means to battle the negativity of their own mind. I’ve realized that once you open up, people see that the conversation is just two people being humans. This allows them to put down their walls because there isn’t anything to prove, compensate for or fear.

Fifteen years ago, if I had made sure everyone I spoke to was first OK with the issue and tried to eliminate each threat of judgment one by one, it would have taken forever. My depression would have certainly convinced me to give up, and I would have never recovered. Fortunately, the trick in recovery is not to make the obstacles of the world go away, but by making ourselves stronger. For example, what would be greater, if no one said anything offensive, or if the words of others could not defeat you? By all means, get rid of the sigma. While you’re at it, get rid of racism, sexism, homosexism, bullies, the need for lawyers, police and all the other things. I don’t know how to do that, so until that day comes, what are you going to do?

The world is under no obligation to understand you, help you, support you, like you, respect you or treat you the way you deserve. Even if you save someone’s life, someone will tell you you did it wrong. There will never be a shortage of bullies or obstacles in the world. This is why having no immune system is so dangerous. Even if you managed to sterilize a million threats on the path to creating a safe life, as soon as one germ shows up, you’re finished. But if you build your immune system, even a million threats at the same time cannot bring you down.

It’s natural to not believe this is possible. Your mind will try to convince you that it cannot be done and you should give up. This is just one of the many signs that your mind is gaslighting you into staying depressed. The mind loves to throw stones in the bush and make you fixate on things that won’t solve the real problem. The perceived need to remove the mental health stigma to recover is one of these distractions.

Fortunately, the opinions of others are none of your business. If people are treating you negatively, it is because they are suffering too. Show them the higher way by using your life as an opportunity to expose your vulnerabilities and let them be your greatest strengths. Instead of using your time getting rid of the stigma, be the light of this world and the stigma will change on its own. Eventually, you will see that the person who has been defeating you the most is yourself. Conquer that obstacle and you will have conquered the whole world.