6 Things You Need to Know If You Have a Roommate With ADHD

Having roommates can be such an amazing, or absolutely horrible, agonizing, terrible, and downright angering experience. There are so many different factors that go into creating a solid roommate relationship – personalities, cleanliness, energy levels, interests, hobbies, financial status, and of course, health and neurodivergencies. A lot of people don’t inherently think about the last two, but from experience, they can heavily impact a happy roommate-ship and a very bad one.

Other relevant stories:
• Worst Careers for ADHD
• Are You Born With ADHD?
• ADHD and Anger
• What is ADHD?

I have attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and I lived alone for around two years after living with people for my entire life, I only now realize how ADHD really impacts my living patterns. I’m a relatively clean person, but that doesn’t matter when ADHD makes the dishes or my pile of unfolded laundry (on days it makes it out of the washer) my biggest enemy. ADHD can be annoying for me, but it serves to be an even greater source of tension when I have a roommate. I’m used to my ADHD traits, and I accept them, but it’s not the case for everyone. 

On the flip side, if you’re someone who has a roommate who has ADHD, there may be some facets of life with them that aren’t ideal, but it isn’t their fault. They aren’t a messy person, it’s a trait of their disorder. I guarantee you they want to do that task you asked them to do in a timely manner, but their brain was in “Not yet,” mode versus “Do it right now or so help me god-” mode. Beyond that, there are a lot of things I wish people knew about being my roommate when it comes to my ADHD.

1. Deadlines can be our best friends. Use them wisely.

This is a double-edged sword, because if you give me a deadline chances are I will 100% wait until the absolute last minute to get whatever is needed done. So will the thing get done? Sure! However, don’t be upset if you see us seemingly procrastinating. It’s not that we’re doing it on purpose.

As mentioned earlier, ADHD brain tends to operate in two modes: “Not yet” and “Right now or life will end as we know it.” That flip tends to happen closer to a deadline, so you may see the task remain untouched for a while. Allow us grace, because it will get done probably down to the wire, but it will get done. 

2. Clutter can unintentionally happen, and cleaning it can be even harder.

Object permanence is a huge part of life with ADHD. If it’s not right in front of us, we won’t remember it, which means clutter can happen both intentionally and unintentionally. For me, I tend to leave a lot of drinks and snacks out around the house (a plate of cookies, a bowl of popcorn, etc.) I always finish by the end of the day, but I keep it out so I remember to keep eating it. If I put it away, I will forget it exists.  

This can manifest in a bunch of half-empty water bottles, or bags of items and tasks all over, and while sometimes it’s easy to throw things away, other times it’s not. It can be so overwhelming trying to clean and fix everything that it just doesn’t end up happening. The minute we start, we get a debilitating wave of executive dysfunction and the clutter builds. It’s once again, not intentional, but it is a very real part of life with ADHD.

3. Expired food may happen.

Refrigerators are great inventions, and there are some new high-tech ones that allow us to see what’s inside the fridge without constantly having to open it. However a lot of us can’t afford those types of fancy fridges, and thus we have to open them and poke around to see what goods lay in wait for us. 

Once again on the object permanence beat, we tend to forget what we don’t see, and that can include leftovers or just plain ol’ normal food. Once a friend went through my fridge and almost everything was expired. A lot of it I knew was expired and I just had to throw it away (going back to two brain modes with time), but they found it before I could. The feeling of shame was pretty large even though they understood why I had “let it get that bad.”

4. We tend to be either really late, or really early.

“Time blindness” can impact us in a lot of ways, but one of the more notable ways is when we have somewhere to be. ADHD folk can struggle with our internal clock, causing us to improperly gauge how long we have to do tasks or show up somewhere. 

I’ve noticed a lot of ADHD folk either are extremely early, or tend to be fundamentally late, always. While I’m always a little offended when I find out, I’ve learned that sometimes the best way to get me to be on time is to lie about when you want me to show up. It starts at 6? You better tell me it starts at 5, because I will probably be there 30 minutes or so after and actually be ready to go at the right time.

5. A lot of us also have sensory sensitivities.

I have a slight light sensitivity to artificial light, but only during the daytime. It bothers me and I can’t focus as long as it’s on. Additionally, I recall a lot of ADHD folk mentioning not being able to focus unless the temperature is perfect. In fact, sometimes it’s not executive dysfunction that makes me avoid certain chores. It’s the texture of dirty food and dish soap that makes me so uncomfortable it’s agonizing.

6. Get ready for hyperfixations.

When an ADHD person is hyperfixating, they may spend a lot of money, time, and energy dedicated to one specific project or newfound hobby. I know someone who had a hyperfixation with candle making, leading them to create candles non-stop for months. I have periods where I have recycled hyperfixations, and my biggest one is baking. Every few years I come back to baking and it’s all I do for a few months up to a year or two, only to not want to do it again for a long period of time after.

So if you see your roommate randomly and magically picking up a new hobby and it becomes their entire life, don’t be surprised. Also be aware that it may take over their personal living spaces, which may (or may not) be ideal.

While there’s medication, coaching, and holistic ways to make life easier as someone with ADHD, when you live with someone with ADHD, there may be some frustration along the way. I believe deeply that communication is such a key factor in making life with an ADHD roommate work. Talk to them and leave shame, guilt, or judgment at the door. Ask them how they operate best, where they struggle, and create a game plan together to work on it.

ADHD isn’t impossible at all. Yes, it can be frustrating, but I’ve learned the more you work with it and play to your/their strengths, the easier life will be.