Assertiveness

#Assertiveness

PASSIVE COMMUNICATION is a style in which individuals have developed a pattern of avoiding expressing their opinions or feelings, protecting their rights, and identifying and meeting their needs. As a result, passive individuals do not respond overtly to hurtful or anger-inducing situations. Instead, they allow grievances and annoyances to mount, usually unaware of the buildup. But once they have reached their high tolerance threshold for unacceptable behavior, they are prone to explosive outbursts, which are usually out of proportion to the triggering incident. After the outburst, however, they may feel shame, guilt, and confusion, so they return to being passive.

Passive communicators will often:

-fail to assert for themselves

-allow others to deliberately or inadvertently infringe on their rights

-fail to express their feelings, needs, or opinions

-tend to speak softly or apologetically

-exhibit poor eye contact and slumped body posture

AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATION is a style in which individuals express their feelings and opinions and advocate for their needs in a way that violates the rights of others. Thus, aggressive communicators are verbally and/or physically abusive.

Aggressive communicators will often:

-try to dominate others

-use humiliation to control others

-criticize, blame, or attack others

-be very impulsive

-have low frustration tolerance

-speak in a loud, demanding, and overbearing voice

-act threateningly and rudely

-not listen well

-interrupt frequently

-use “you” statements

-have an overbearing or intimidating posture

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATION is a style in which individuals appear passive on the surface but are really acting out anger in a subtle, indirect, or behind-the-scenes way. People who develop a pattern of passive-aggressive communication usually feel powerless, stuck, and resentful – in other words, they feel incapable of dealing directly with the object of their resentments. Instead, they express their anger by subtly undermining the object (real or imagined) of their resentments.

Passive-Aggressive communicators will often:

-mutter to themselves rather than confront the person or issue

-have difficulty acknowledging their anger

-use facial expressions that don't match how they feel - i.e., smiling when angry

-use sarcasm

-deny there is a problem

-appear cooperative while purposely doing things to annoy and disrupt

-use subtle sabotage to get even

ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION is a style in which individuals clearly state their opinions and feelings, and firmly advocate for their rights and needs without violating the rights of others. These individuals value themselves, their time, and their emotional, spiritual, and physical needs and are strong advocates for themselves while being very respectful of the rights of others.

Assertive communicators will:

-state needs and wants clearly, appropriately, and respectfully

-express feelings clearly, appropriately, and respectfully

-use “I” statements

-communicate respect for others

-listen well without interrupting

-feel in control of self

-have good eye contact

-speak in a calm and clear tone of voice

You can refer to this:

resiliens.com/resilify/program/improving-your-assertiveness

#Assertiveness

An assertive person is one who acts in his/her own best interests, stands up for self, expresses feelings honestly, is in charge of self in interpersonal relations, and chooses for self. The basic message sent from an assertive person is “I’m OK and you’re OK.”

An assertive person is emotionally honest, direct, self-enhancing, and expressive. He/she feels confident, self-respecting at the time of his/her actions as well as later.

Assertive Body Language:

- Stand straight, steady, and directly face the people to whom you are speaking while maintaining

eye contact.

- Speak in a clear, steady voice –loud enough for the people to whom you are speaking to hear

you.

- Speak fluently, without hesitation, and with assurance and confidence.

Being assertive is a core communication skill. Assertiveness can help you express yourself effectively and stand up for your point of view. It can also help you do this while respecting the rights and beliefs of others.

Being assertive can also help boost your self-esteem and earn others' respect. This can help with stress management. It may especially help you reduce stress if you tend to take on too many responsibilities because you have a hard time saying no.

You can refer to this:

resiliens.com/resilify/program/improving-your-assertiveness

#Assertiveness

Assertiveness can help you earn other people’s respect. It can also help you increase your self-esteem and reduce anxiety and stress.

A study on assertiveness showed a significant reduction in anxiety after students received assertiveness training.

When using assertiveness, you respect the other person. You rely on mutual respect as part of a communication skill that gets your point across. Plus, you respect and stand up for yourself. But, you still respect others and show that you want to resolve a conflict without being hurtful.

With assertive behavior, you can find win-win solutions in conflicts if the other person is also willing to have a discussion.

Plus, if you want to become a great leader, assertiveness will help you transform into a leader that your team respects. This is because you treat others fairly while still upholding the law of the office.

You can refer to this:

resiliens.com/resilify/program/improving-your-assertiveness

#Assertiveness

Here is how you can become assertive in the workplace.

Use “I” statements

Being assertive is all about getting your needs respected and your point of view valued. It’s not about judging others or telling someone they are lesser than you because they are wrong.

Use “I” statements in your sentences to avoid pointing fingers. This will help you develop assertive communication.

Here is an example of being assertive. Instead of saying, “you need to stop taking my parking space,” try, “I feel upset and uncomfortable that I can’t access my parking space.”

Practice eye contact

Look at the other person in the eye and avoid shifting your gaze when you feel like shrinking away.

You can practice this with someone you’re comfortable with at first if you find this difficult.

Use body language

Body language can communicate confidence or lack thereof. Keep your posture upright, and your head held high during conversations.

Avoid crossing your arms and legs. Lean forward, but don’t take over the other person’s space. This will avoid aggression.

Get comfortable saying “no”

Practice saying no without beating around the bush.

Be direct and use the word “no,” not an alternative. Let’s say you don’t want to work late again to do unpaid overtime.

Here’s an assertive example. Instead of saying:

“I don’t think I’ll come in tonight.”

Say:

“No. I don’t feel like doing unpaid overtime is fair.”

Rehearse your conversations

If you’re still feeling nervous about being more assertive, practice your conversations in front of a mirror.

Keep your practice conversations clear and direct. You can get a feel for what your statements will sound like in a real situation.

Watch your emotions

When you start standing up for yourself, you may not get what you want right away.

Remember that it’s a conversation, which means there will be some back and forth.

Stay mindful of what’s going on with your emotions, and don’t speak out spontaneously out of frustration or anger. Instead, practice mindful breathing and take your time before responding.

Remember that you can’t control others

Assertive communication is all about making sure your voice gets heard and respected. It’s not about controlling what others do.

Control slips into the territory of aggression, so keep this in mind.

Remain open to positive and negative feedback

Be open to hearing compliments and receiving them without downplaying them. It’s important to know how to ask for and receive feedback.

On the flip side, be ready to hear constructive criticism without acting defensively. Both types of feedback are necessary to help you improve.

Express yourself positively

Be constructive when speaking your mind and avoid negativity when possible.

Remain respectful of other people, even when you’re dealing with a negative or difficult situation.

Practice assertiveness in low-risk situations

You don’t have to start your assertive journey by confronting your manager.

Start small and practice assertive behavior in low-risk situations.

You can try this out with someone who is safe, like a partner or a close friend. It should be with someone you trust at first.

You can refer to this:

resiliens.com/resilify/program/improving-your-assertiveness

#Assertiveness

Assertiveness is the quality of being self-assured and confident without being aggressive to defend a right point of view or a relevant statement. In the field of psychology and psychotherapy, it is a skill that can be learned and a mode of communication. Dorland's Medical Dictionary defines assertiveness as:

"a form of behavior characterized by a confident declaration or affirmation of a statement without need of proof; this affirms the person's rights or point of view without either aggressively threatening the rights of another (assuming a position of dominance) or submissively permitting another to ignore or deny one's rights or point of view."

Assertiveness is a communication skill that can be taught and the skills of assertive communication effectively learned.

Assertiveness is a method of critical thinking, where an individual speaks up in defense of their views or in light of erroneous information. Assertive people are able to be outspoken and analyze information and point out areas of information lacking substance, details or evidence. Assertiveness supports creative thinking and effective communication.

You can refer to this:

resiliens.com/resilify/program/improving-your-assertiveness

#Assertiveness

Some people find the giving and receiving of compliments difficult or embarrassing, and may feel the need to either shrug them off or return them.

Complimenting is a positive way of giving support, showing approval and increasing the other person's self-confidence. Learning to both give and accept them gracefully is an important life skill.

If a compliment is rejected, the person giving it may feel embarrassed or discounted and might be less likely to pay a compliment in the future.

When you are complimented, therefore, thank the person giving the compliment, and accept it, whether or not you actually agree with it. Useful phrases include ‘Thank you, that’s very kind of you to say that’, or ‘Thank you, it was a pleasure, but it’s always nice to hear that you appreciate it’.

You can refer to this:

resiliens.com/resilify/program/improving-your-assertiveness

#Assertiveness

1. Evaluate the Critic’s Intention Honestly

No one is perfect; thus, listen to the negative feedback objectively. Thinking about your strengths and weaknesses could help you to approach criticism with an open mind to be able to understand the difference. For instance, someone may tell you to sip your tea quietly or go back to your desk. That comment may seem confrontational at first. However, if you evaluate it positively, you will realize that the individual could be dealing with their personal issues.

2. Assess if the Feedback provided is Constructive or Destructive

There are several factors that you need to consider before making any decision. Is the person giving feedback known to care about you, referring to an area you should work on, or providing guidance on how you can go about it?

On the other hand, a person with authority may criticize your work and follow it with a self-aggrandizing or demeaning language. Such an individual is dragging you into an endless power trip.

3. Show Gratitude to those who Offer Constructive Criticism

Thank every person who offers you meaningful feedback, for they want you to succeed. Although it may hurt to know what you did wrong, understand their motives, and thank them.

4. Control Your Emotions when Handling Constructive Criticism

Refrain from exploding when you receive criticism even when it’s evidently mean-spirited for two wrongs don’t make a right. Thus you shouldn’t react angrily to the feedback for you will regret later.

On the other hand, don’t allow others to injure your self-esteem. So seek clarification, and you will notice that most of the comments that were ill-intended will shatter like rocks under scrutiny.

5. Apologize for Your Weakness

An apology is a clear indication that you can take responsibility and not that you’re evading it. It also changes the situation from a combat mode to collaboration. Further, it delays the critic’s thought to a latter day or time.

6. Consider the Suggestions not the Tone of the Feedback

Understand that some people may have valuable critical suggestions, but their tone and style of speaking may hamper the way you receive it. For those reasons, it better to respond to the feedback and not their confrontational manner. Therefore, detach the two items and focus on the useful suggestions.

7. Avoid Taking the Criticism Personal

People tend to feel personally offended when they receive criticism. They perceive it as an attack on their real self. It’s important to realize that you also criticize other people’s jealousy or pride, which is merely passing emotion but not the real person.

8. Smile

Wear a smile even if it’s a false one, for this will help you to relax. A smile will create a positive feeling and lighten the situation. Thus, a smile helps you psychologically and motivate the critic to be moderate in their approach.

9. Act on the Positive Feedback

Make plans to work on the areas that were highlighted in the feedback. It’s important to realize that most critics have some bits of truth. Thus, even if it’s negative, ensure that you have learnt from these comments. These are cheat codes of self-improvements, and you should keep a record of them and implement them.

10. Silence the Critic

You may need to silence the critics once in a while by telling them that you understand that you haven’t lived up to their expectations, but you will do better next time.

You can ask them to give you actionable points in their next comments. The phrase will help them to manage the way they offer feedback next time.

11. Let them Know that You can’t Listen now

Don’t feel guilty about withdrawing from a conversation when you’re preoccupied with listening. Let the person know that you appreciate having the discussion, but not now. Then go ahead and suggest the appropriate time to continue with the conversation. The step will allow them to reconsider or weigh their criticism and make it more meaningful.

12. Speak Your Side of Story

Tell the critic how you feel about the issue at hand. It’s essential to maintain peace with people; however, being overly accommodating to avoid conflict at cost is not the only way out. You can use tact and appropriate timing to speak up your mind. Thus, speak up when you get a chance of being heard for even difficult things can be voiced with kindness.

13. Be Compassionate to Yourself

Be kind to yourself whenever you receive destructive feedback. Give yourself positive self-talk and a treat. Tell yourself that the criticism hurts, but the thoughts doesn’t define you.

14. Allow Your Feeling

At times feeling hurt or angry is inevitable, and burying your feeling is not helpful. Therefore, speak up or write your feelings; however, let them out creatively and move on.

15. Reduce Your Interactions with Harmful People

The world has different kinds of people, and some thrive off weighing others down. You may cut off interactions with people with a pattern of offering negative criticism. It’s the right time to build your identity by cutting links with such persons.

You can refer to this:

resiliens.com/resilify/program/improving-your-assertiveness

#Assertiveness

Know what you want to do— and what you can do. Establishing limits first requires some objective introspection. Ask yourself, “What do I most want to achieve today?” It can be something discretionary or something you’re obligated to do (or both). Decide if it is, indeed, do-able. Then evaluate all the steps you will need to take in order to achieve it, and how much time you will realistically need to accomplish each of those steps, and thus, your overall goal.

Say “no” firmly and calmly. Saying “no” and then waffling about your preferences or your bandwidth suggests that your “no” can be massaged into a “yes.” Being respectfully yet assertively definitive when you decline the request is the first step toward maintaining your boundaries.

Use the word “no” as the first word of your response. “I don’t think I can get to it” can easily be perceived as “maybe I can get to it”—the exact scenario you’re trying to avoid. An unemotional “no” at the beginning of your answer shows resolve and respectful, firm assertiveness.

Give a brief, clear reason for the refusal. “I have an urgent deadline that cannot be rescheduled” is not easy to argue against. Make your reason for saying “no” reasonable yet unbreakable, and keep it brief enough to suggest you’ve got to get going now and this conversation won’t be a long one.

Avoid long excuses or justifications. “I have all these meetings and I need a little time between them and I have a lunch appointment and then I have to make a phone call” sounds busy, but also suggests you know how to open windows in your busy schedule to accommodate unscheduled requests. Stay calm and on point. Emotion, either from a perspective of pain or anger, undercuts your logical argument for declining the request. “I’m only one person!” can easily lead to an apology and “yes” after an extended emotional conversation. Take a breath, stay composed, and be concise and definite.

Suggest an alternative for satisfying the request. If there’s a reasonable alternate solution to the request that you can propose, do so. It will assuage any guilt you may feel, and hopefully will be appreciated by the person who made the request. It can also decrease the likelihood that declining the request will come back later to haunt you.

Boycott the words, “I’m sorry.” The natural tendency for most of us when declining a request or demand is to apologize, but in doing so, you’re setting a trap for yourself and signaling a weakness to the person making the request. You can say “no” and still be a nice person. Stay strong!

Be consistent in words, voice and body language. Inconsistency also conveys weakness and indecisiveness. This lays the territory wide open to a counter-argument in the other person’s favor, meaning you’ve allowed them to take one more step toward breaking through the boundary you’ve set.

Reinforce the “no” message through eye contact. There are few visual cues that are more effective at letting someone know you mean what you say than direct, uninterrupted eye contact. Go ahead—you can do it!

You can refer to this:

resiliens.com/resilify/program/improving-your-assertiveness

#Assertiveness

Assertive communication is often confused with other forms of communication. In this section, you'll learn what assertive communication is and how it differs from aggressive and passive communication.

Assertiveness in communication is the ability to directly state your feelings and needs in a respectful manner. An assertive communication style neither shrinks from speaking up nor aggressively forces a perspective on someone else. Assertive communication is directed by the three Cs of effective communication:

-Be clear: you communicate in a straightforward way that directly states your thoughts and feelings without dressing up your language.

-Be consistent: what you say today reflects what you said yesterday, rather than changing daily without explanation.

-Be courteous: you respect your listener and communicate in a manner that doesn’t pass judgment on them or presume ill-intent.

By maintaining clear, consistent, and courteous communication, assertive communicators can speak up and voice their perspectives without disrespecting others.

Aggressive communication occurs when a speaker is concerned with only their perspective and personal goals rather than considering those of their listener. Individuals who exhibit aggressive behavior are often focused on reaching their goals immediately without considering possible long-term negative consequences. While aggressive communicators might succeed in having their voices heard, they also alienate those around them and negatively impact their own success in the long haul.

Passive communication occurs when an individual doesn’t voice their own perspective, feelings, or needs and routinely conforms to the preferences of others. Unlike aggressive communicators, passive communicators consider the potential consequences of their communication style but end up sidelining themselves for others. Research suggests that passive communicators might end up feeling depressed, helpless, and tense as a result of their communication style.

You can refer to this:

resiliens.com/resilify/program/improving-your-assertiveness

#Assertiveness

Assertiveness skills are communication strategies that allow you to convey information and ideas in an open and direct way while maintaining respect for the people to whom you're speaking.

Assertiveness allows you to explain your claims and decisions in a calm and confident manner. Assertive communication is ideal for many workplace communications because it can help team members resolve issues and create a more positive work environment.

Assertiveness is a skill regularly referred to in social and communication skills training.

Being assertive means being able to stand up for your own or other people’s rights in a calm and positive way, without being either aggressive, or passively accepting ‘wrong’.

Assertive individuals are able to get their point across without upsetting others, or becoming upset themselves.

Although everyone acts in passive and aggressive ways from time to time, such ways of responding often result from a lack of self-confidence and are, therefore, inappropriate ways of interacting with others.

You can refer to this:

resiliens.com/resilify/program/improving-your-assertiveness