When I Write About Parenting a Child With Autism for the Mainstream Media
I’m not entirely sure why I write about my personal experiences parenting a child with autism for the mainstream media – mostly I hope my own experiences may help someone else on their autism journey – and they won’t stumble through as I had done in the early days. Parenting is challenging, joyful, frustrating, heart-wrenching and rewarding all jumbled together. Making those experiences heard is also an important step toward wider acceptance of autism in the community at large.
But what I’m never quite prepared for are the letters I get whenever I publish something about autism in the mainstream press.
Here are a few responses that never fail to happen:
1. Someone writes to tell me vaccines cause autism.
The study that kicked off this speculation was proven to rely on falsified data, and the author had financial motives for making up his findings. The journal retracted the study years ago. If that’s not enough to placate, there have been dozens of significant studies trying to establish such a link just in case, and all of them came to the same conclusion: there’s no relationship between autism and childhood vaccinations. End of.
2. Someone writes to tell me they have the “cure” for autism.
The people who send me these kinds of letters are either snake oil salesmen preying on parents purely for monetary gain but also people who really think they’ve single handedly stumbled on the “cure.” In either case, save your breath. There’s no known “cure” for autism. Yes, many studies have shown there are some excellent therapies (behavior, speech, occupational, sensory, drug, diet) that may help enhance certain abilities or address certain challenges in some individuals with autism.
But we’ll all be better off if we stop seeing the individual with autism as “sick” or “broken” and in need of a “cure,” and instead provide them with the supports they need to thrive in the community.
3. Someone writes to tell me I’ve caused my son’s autism.
Yes, really. I like to call them jackasses, but I believe other journalists call them trolls. Turns out, trolls don’t just save their bullsh*t for political commentators but share their misery with parenting columnists too.
I’ve been told my son has autism because: I fed him formula as a baby (no), I was on anti-depressants while pregnant (nope), I fed him genetically engineered foods (sigh) and, of course, because I had him vaccinated (of course I did – read #1). One special jackass told me it was karma.
4. Someone offers me money.
See — it’s not all bad. Strangers also offer to send me money to help me parent my son with autism. It’s just the sweetest gesture and my faith in humanity is always restored by these letters. I thank them but always kindly decline and recommend they give to a local autism charity instead. There are many autism families that are in far greater need than myself (raising a child is expensive – raising a child with autism is astronomical) and the frontline autism charities are the best at putting resources where they are needed most.
5. Someone offers my son gifts.
Many, many readers want to send my son gifts. It happens every time I write. It is such a beautiful gesture, and I am touched by every offer. But again – for reasons of protecting privacy and because my son is already spoiled rotten, I always say no. Again, I recommend they donate to an autism organization, and I think many of them actually do this.
People, it turns out, can be very kind.
I did accept one time: when the city transportation office offered a tour of the local bus facilities after a story about how much my son loves city buses (he memorizes the routes and “articulated bus” was one of his first toddler phrases). They gave us a half-day tour and a goodie basket full of bus-related items. My son still talks about it today.
None of these responses ever stop me from writing. In fact, the first few make it clear how badly I need to keep writing to combat the misinformation that’s still floating around out there. But the best news? The kind gestures always outnumber the jackasses.
Kathleen O’Grady is a writer, editor and political and media strategist living in Ottawa, Canada. She is a Research Associate at the Simone de Beauvoir Institute, Concordia University and the author and editor of numerous books and articles on health policy, women’s and cultural issues. She is the Founding Director of QUOI Media Group, specializing in political, policy and media research and strategy consulting. She has written and edited speeches, Op-Eds, policy briefs, strategy documents, literature reviews and research papers for politicians, think tanks, academics and artists. Her client list includes the Senate of Canada, a number of Ottawa-based think tanks, universities in Canada and the U.S., politicians and non-profit organizations. Her book publications include, Making Evidence Matter in Canadian Health Policy (CIHR); Canadian Health Policy in the News (CIHR); Sweet Secrets (Sumach); French Feminism and Religion (Routledge); Religion in French Feminist Thought (Routledge) and Bodies, Lives, Voices (Sheffield). She has also authored children’s fiction, including First Words: Patti Kay’s Dreamworks (Bayeux). Her writings on health, sexuality, and women’s and cultural issues have appeared in a variety of magazines and newspapers in North America, including: The Chicago Tribune, The Globe and Mail, The Toronto Star, Montreal Gazette and more. She was previously the managing editor of EvidenceNetwork.ca (2011-2018). Kathleen has been educated in the field of religion and culture at Wilfrid Laurier University, Waterloo, and the University of Cambridge, UK. She lectured in the Department of Religious Studies at the University of Calgary and WLU. She was a Cambridge Commonwealth Scholar and a former Bank of Montréal Visiting Scholar at the University of Ottawa. She is a volunteer editor with Wikipedia, Canada Project and on the advisory committee for the Strongest Families Institute. She was previously on the board for Girls Action Foundation.
kathleen-ogrady