Why This 'Joke' Isn't Funny to Many People With Cerebral Palsy

I am the third of four kids, and just like any kid growing up, none of us liked to change the roll of toilet paper. Instead, we’d just stick a fresh roll on the counter next to the toilet and call it a day.

Then, one day one of my parents came home with a sign to hang on the toilet paper holder that read “changing the toilet paper does not cause brain damage” as a joking reminder to change the toilet paper roll. That sign stung in more ways than one, especially since it was one of my parents who brought it home and they know I have cerebral palsy.

For those who don’t know, cerebral palsy is essentially just brain damage and how that damage subsequently affects the body. To put it bluntly, my reality is that I live with brain damage every day.

While I’m relieved to know that changing the toilet paper will apparently not cause any further brain damage, I was still struck to know that my parents would bring home a sign mocking brain damage when they know the inner workings of cerebral palsy.

For the most part, I’ve been able to push that situation aside, but some days I still hate the fact that I have cerebral palsy because I don’t know what caused it in my situation. I have a working theory that it may have had something to do with when my mom was in labor because she’s told me that her labor with me was very different than those with my siblings, but I’ll never know for sure.

So, when I was a kid and the sign was brought home, I got angry because I still don’t know for sure why I was the kid that ended up with brain damage. What does any baby do to deserve brain damage in the first place? Looking at that sign each time was a reminder that while changing toilet paper won’t cause brain damage, apparently through no fault of my own, doing nothing still can cause brain damage.

I don’t remember having a conversation with my parents about the sign specifically when I was younger, but at that age, talking about my cerebral palsy was a taboo subject in our household. It was easier just to keep it inside.

While I doubt my parents still have the sign since they have moved since that time, part of me wants that sign back. As I work on embracing my disability and owning it, I’m learning to be proud of my brain damage. And yes, I do refer to my cerebral palsy simply as brain damage at times because that’s what it is and I’m proof that having brain damage isn’t the end of the world.

I want the sign back so I can use it as art. I’m not sure exactly what I’d do to it as part of my art, but I think it could be a very healing project – healing in the sense that no matter what people say or do to me, I am able to rise above and not let their negativity influence how I live my life with my reality of living with brain damage.

Changing the roll of toilet paper may not cause brain damage, but even if it did, living with brain damage is by far not the worst thing that could happen to a person. In reality, living with brain damage is probably one of the best parts of my life and at this point in my life, I’d be upset if that were to go away.