The Delicate Balance of Faith and Disability

When you think of the words faith and disability, you may not think they go together. But for me they do. As a baby, I weighed 1 pound 6 ounces (9 ounces after undergoing a hernia surgery.) I was what they called a micro-preemie. I died three times and was brought back each time. I have always had a strong sense of God’s presence in my life.

My relationship with God has always been something very closely personal to me. My church teaches us not to question God’s reasons, and for a long time I never did. That all changed when my sister was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 14. Our pediatrician told us that had my mom waited and not insisted she be seen by our doctor right away, it would have been too late. Shortly thereafter, I began to change how I talked with God. I soon realized that God would rather have an honest, frank conversation. And sometimes that means not sugar coating things, which I no longer do. I also realize now that questioning God’s methods is not a bad thing, but instead a human thing. No matter what happens, I believe God is in control.

I am a control freak and the ultimate worrywart. This is something my heart and head never can get on the same page about, no matter how much I attempt to practice it. You would think that I would use it by now, but nope. I have decided to just let it all go by praying and finding constructive ways to let whatever I am feeling at the moment out. Even if I am angry with God in the moment, it never lasts because he never leaves me without a way to figure it out. Especially when I am given a physical challenge that requires more effort than normal. With a disability as complex as CP is, you’re always trying to think of innovative, outside the box ways to do things non-disabled people often take for granted. All the while, society continues to make attempts to fit you in this one size fits all box.

This is where the test of faith comes into play for me — figuring out the delicate balance of how much faith you should put in yourself and in your faith in general. Like the scales of justice, but more on a personal/spiritual level. Which scale should be higher than the other? I honestly believe there is no such thing as a perfect balance.

The only true thing that can be connected to faith and disability, in my opinion, is delicateness in how we treat one another, especially those who are different. Remember respect, equality, and humility. I believe that is where the true balance lies.