How 'The Ellen Show' Gave Me Hope in the Darkest of Times

The first few months of 2015 were very hard for me. I had just survived a previous suicide attempt and wasn’t in the best of spirits. I was so majorly depressed I couldn’t work. I didn’t sleep well at night so I was always tired during the day. I didn’t do much. I couldn’t see much hope. I didn’t smile or laugh anymore. I felt nothing. I had lost the essence of me.

For a while I’d just lay in bed and stare at the TV like a zombie. Flipping through channels and curled up in a ball. The shows I used to watch didn’t interest me much anymore. I’d leave my TV on practically any channel. In doing so one afternoon, The Ellen Show came on. I’d seen her show before of course, but when I had a job I was usually gone at the time it was on.

Why did I happen to leave it on that channel one afternoon? I don’t really know, but I am glad I did. Ellen has a sort of light about her so no matter how bad you feel, you can’t help but laugh at her quirkiness and her love for dancing and cats. You can’t help but to be interested in the show’s topics and her guests because she genuinely cares about people. She’s funny. Really funny. I found myself actually laughing and smiling at the show even through my severe pain.

It would only last for one hour, but that was something, wasn’t it? So after that, for an hour each day at 3 p.m. central time in New Orleans, I would watch Ellen. I would laugh, cry when she helped someone in need and eventually I’d even dance during the dancing segment – just to finally get out of bed since I had days when I didn’t even feel like moving.

That was over a year ago. I have found hope in a lot of places since then and have finally made a full recovery, but the fact that in my darkest of times (and believe me, they were severely dark) I could find a smile and a laugh meant the world to me. I hope someday I can be on The Ellen Show.

To sit on her couch. To dance in the studio. To look at the signed Drew Brees jersey she has hanging on a wall, since we are both New Orleans women and love our home team, the Saints. To tell her she touched me so much I talked about her in my first published book. And most importantly, to tell her thank you. Thank you for truly being kind to everyone. Even from a distance her kindness touched me.