My 'Lack of Motivation' Doesn't Mean I'm Being Lazy

Motivation.

I hate that word.

Some people think that a lack of motivation is when you miss a gym session one week because you fancied a movie night instead. And it may be for some people.

But when people with depression say they have no motivation, they mean it. Literally.

I have jobs to do —  jobs around the house, jobs to do with university and work. I have many jobs I could be getting on with right now. But instead I’m sat here writing this because I don’t have the motivation.

My mum is constantly on at me that I need to sort things out, that I need to tidy my bedroom and put this paper away and put that paper away. It sounds silly but I can’t. I can’t bring myself to do anything.

I already know I need to get on with things. It is constantly on my mind, never actually leaving, and yet I can’t do them. It’s the constant battle between anxiety and depression. The anxiety is gnawing at me telling me I need to do things and the depression is pulling me back and telling me to just sit and mope around instead.

Some people have trouble even getting out of bed, it affects people in so many different ways. But telling a person  to “just exercise you’ll feel better” or to “just get on with it the rest of us do” isn’t helping at all. In fact, it’s probably making us feel worse and giving us even less motivation.

We want to carry on with our lives. We want to be able to do jobs that other people don’t think twice about. It isn’t being lazy, not in the slightest.

Sometimes, we just don’t have the motivation for anything. And that’s OK. It really is. It’s part of our illness, a symptom that we can’t help.