I’m really not one to share stuff online, but I thought I’d give it a try. I’m not sure how much to share. I’m not sure of anything these days. I’d like to try to stay away from specifics in order to maintain some sense of anonymity. I just feel so far away. I really only feel human when I’m consumed by my sadness. I guess because it was always there for me when happiness was so far out of reach. I dissociate a lot, which makes me feel so eerily inhuman. I was recently diagnosed with cptsd. I had to leave college due to my depression but had every intention of going back. I did an intensive treatment program that was supposed to give me some sort of big transformation. Turns out I have an extremely high tolerance for medication. So, I’m still here. And I’m still trying. But I’m tired. And it’s all too much and not enough at the same time. I’m a bit of a deep soul. A blessing and a curse, of course. I crave this soul-shattering connection that I’m convinced doesn’t even exist. I isolate a lot because I’m so scared of disappointment, whether it’s coming from me or the other person. I don’t really know what I’m getting at here. I don’t know why I’m writing this. I know it’s scattered, but I’m also scattered. This world is scattered. I’d like to find people my age that are in similar situations. It’s really hard not to feel alone. There’s something within me that’s just not right. I can feel it. And my gut tells me that it’s never going to go away. Even if I do end up getting better, that feeling…that aching… that emptiness… it’s screaming. I don’t know if I will ever be fulfilled by this life.