endoftheworld

It's like something out of a movie this virus thing. #endoftheworld #worldsgonemad #Whenwillthisend

It is literally unbelievable how different my mood swings can make me as a person. Quite literally, my depression combined with mood swings is the thing that keeps my backpack/room messy while it's also the thing that makes me rip up a set of notes because they're not neat enough. It is the thing that makes me not care about a test grade one day, and the next day a bad grade is enough to make me sob and slam against things in a school bathroom.

So the story I'm leading up to: Friday, we had a math test. Math is something that I'm really good at, just because it has nothing to do with opinions, it is based solely on logic and reasoning so I like math.

It was a formal test, one that would help place me in a correct math class next school year, so there were two sheets of paper. One was where all my work is shown, and the other is where you have to shade in the correct answer choice. I finished the questions, I checked them once, I checked them twice, I starting shading in my answers, and the bell rings.

I don't get to finish simply shading in my answers and now, I know for a fact that I failed for a stupid reason, that I didn't finish shading a bunch of letters, so despite the fact that I'm so mathematically advanced and reasonably smarter than at least 3 quarters of my class, the best score I'll ever be able to get is a 12/21.

I don't know why, but this broke me. The lowest grade I've ever gotten is a 4/8 which, incidentally happened during this year, probably the worst year of my life so far (also in English, my worst subject) and that only brought me a couple tears that I could easily blink away. But no, it just had to happen that in my best subject, on a topic that I excel at, I will for a fact fail this test. It doesn't even count for a grade in class.

But it ripped me apart, I was only slightly crying when I went to visit a teacher of mine and he told me it wasn't the end of the world. Then, a few hours after I got home, I was sobbing uncontrollably (which isn't even LIKE me to do) and next thing I knew, my mom was saying, "It's not the end of the world." Of course, this end of the world thing only happens to younger adults/teens/kids. But that's what it feels like, the end of the world. I'm glad I know it isn't now.