When You're Afraid Anxiety Will Keep You From Ever Finding 'The One'

Generalized anxiety is exactly what it sounds like. It is a broad anxiety that can be linked to anything and happen at any time. Life with generalized anxiety is extremely unpredictable. I can go from having a great day, feeling productive and having great social interactions to going home, falling apart and becoming a crying mess in my bed all within 24 hours. I try to never hold onto things too long, remember that good things don’t always last and do my best not to let myself get too attached to anyone since I don’t want to get hurt.

When it comes to dating, my mind loses it. I know to date I need to let my guard down. I need to show who I am and talk about my past experiences, but it’s like there’s always this little voice in the back of my head. 

They’re not going to like you if you act like that.

Oh my god, is that really coming out of your mouth right now? They’re going to think you’re stupid.

Don’t talk about that. They’re just going to walk away if you do.

Do you really think this one is going to stay? Why are we even bothering with this anymore?

And it’s like that every time. I so badly want to form the human connection that all of my friends are able to, but my anxiety is always holding me back. Once I finally have released that chain of being afraid to open up, the person has already walked away and moved on while I’m left wondering what could’ve been. 

My anxiety of getting hurt holds me back every time and it makes me question if I’ll ever get to have that connection. Ever get to have that person who knows me better than I know myself. I crave long night talks, laughing in the passenger seat of their car while they smile back at me, knowing I have someone looking out for me and someone to come home to. I long for watching each other succeed, building a life together, growing individually as we grow together.  

But all I have is my thoughts, my anxiety and myself sitting alone in my room wondering if I’ll ever get to truly find the one.