So my boss recently informed me that at the end of January he's eliminating my position. So when I thought I had a job for the next 10-15 years I'm now needing to find a new job, again.  I finally had a stable job that I loved and now everything is back up in the air again.

I feel like I'm on the edge of slipping back to old habits, cutting and self destruction.  I have maintained a level exterior since the news dropped but I feel it creeping closer and closer to being out of my control the longer I go.  I don't want to implode but I don't know how to handle this at the moment.

The chaotic emotions I feel just beneath the surface are starting to really bother me.  I have time to find a job that fits, my boss is willing to give me a stellar reference and I can go to interviews during the work day, obviously not the typical situation I know.  So I try to hold on to what I feel in an attempt to stay level but at the moment I feel like I might just been internalizing things too much.  When my boss told me I didn't even know how to process what he said.  I was shocked and hurt.  Now I just want to tell the boss to go to hell and curl up in my bed until I die.