It's getting harder to breathe, to stay focused, driven, satisfied. I was just about to lay down for the night with my loaded thoughts. I have broken just about every bone, suffered three hematomas varying from the size of a pea to the size of a silver dollar. I cant remember my childhood beyond 6th grade. I joined the service at 17, and struggled to meet my obligations for six years, even serving without pay for almost six months, nothing due to wrong doing on my part. I left my life behind to begin something for me, left good people, family. I was injured again last year, and for the first time, it's something that hurts every single moment of every day. I have never skipped a medical bill when I am cared for and recovered, I pay many thanks for keeping me alive and functioning. Last years injury cost me basically all the progress I had been building for ten years. My finances have never been strong and I was just in a good direction for the first time. I was climbing the ladders to become a lethal competitor at something I have grown through as a lifestyle. My goals have been pushed back so far and I was just about to touch them all. I just entered a job that I have been progressing so well at, and happy with, and now I am in pain trying to do it, forcing me to consider something less physical. I feel like I am about to give up everything I loved and it kills me inside, and the things I worked so hard for, are so far away now. Absolutely clenches my throat and floods my eyes. It is like putting a piece of yourself that shined the brightest and putting it in a box on a shelf and you're left with this void you know will never be filled by anything else. #changehappens #itsnotalwayseasy #iamsotired