Abandonment doesn’t only mean someone physically leaving. It can be emotional, relational, medical, or even systemic. For people who live with mental health conditions or chronic illnesses, these experiences can feel especially raw because abandonment often magnifies feelings of isolation and vulnerability.
1. Emotional abandonment
Emotional abandonment happens when someone is physically present in your life but unavailable or unwilling to meet your emotional needs. For example, a parent who never acknowledges a child’s feelings, or a partner who dismisses your pain, may leave you feeling unseen and unsupported. Emotional neglect is a form of abandonment that can have long-lasting effects on self-esteem and relationship patterns.
For people with chronic illness or mental health struggles, emotional abandonment can sting even more. When you share your struggles and are met with silence, denial, or irritation, it can feel like your needs don’t matter. Over time, this erodes trust and creates a sense of being “too much” or “not enough.”
Reminder: Your emotions matter, even if they’ve been ignored. Wanting to be heard and understood is deeply human, and you deserve that kind of care.
2. Physical abandonment
This is the form most people think of first: someone literally leaving. It could be a parent who walks out, a friend who suddenly cuts off contact, or a caregiver who disappears when you need them most. Childhood physical abandonment, like divorce or parental loss, can leave deep imprints on how safe you feel in adult relationships. Early abandonment experiences are risk factors for anxiety and attachment issues later in life.
For those managing illness or disability, physical abandonment can come in moments when loved ones back away during hospitalizations, difficult flare-ups, or recovery. The message it sends—“I can’t handle this, so I’m leaving”—can feel like rejection of both you and your reality.
Reminder: If someone has physically left you, it doesn’t mean you weren’t worth staying for. Their leaving is about them, not your value.
3. Medical abandonment
Medical abandonment occurs when healthcare providers withdraw or fail to provide ongoing care, either intentionally or through systemic gaps. For example, a doctor dismissing symptoms as “all in your head,” refusing to refill necessary medications, or discharging you without proper support. In some cases, patients with stigmatized conditions like chronic pain, mental illness, or substance use disorders face higher rates of this kind of abandonment.
This form is particularly devastating because it undermines trust in systems meant to protect you. If you live with a chronic condition, you may have faced doctors giving up on your care, insurance denying treatment, or clinics not believing your pain. The absence of reliable care doesn’t just leave you physically vulnerable—it can make you feel unworthy of help.
Reminder: If a doctor or system has failed you, it is not your fault. You deserve compassionate, thorough care—and your pain is real.
4. Social abandonment
Social abandonment is when communities, workplaces, or groups withdraw support. It can look like being excluded because of your limitations, friends slowly disappearing when illness makes you less “fun,” or colleagues treating you as replaceable. Research on social stigma shows that chronic illnesses often create isolation due to misconceptions and a lack of awareness.
This type of abandonment often sneaks up gradually. You may notice fewer invitations, fewer check-ins, or a sense that people no longer know how to connect with you. It creates a double wound: grieving the loss of social bonds and internalizing a message that your condition makes you less lovable or less human.
Reminder: Even if others drift away, there are still people who will see you, value you, and want to share life with you—sometimes in unexpected places.
5. Self-abandonment
Perhaps one of the most painful forms is self-abandonment—when you turn away from your own needs. This often happens after repeated experiences of being dismissed by others. You may silence your feelings, push your body beyond its limits, or downplay your pain because you’ve internalized that no one will care anyway. Trauma and chronic invalidation can condition people to abandon themselves in order to survive.
Self-abandonment can look like neglecting rest, ignoring boundaries, or criticizing yourself harshly when you’re already struggling. Over time, it reinforces feelings of shame. The healing work here involves learning to show up for yourself in the small ways you may have been taught you don’t deserve.
Reminder: You are allowed to take up space, to rest, and to care for yourself. Turning toward yourself is an act of courage, not selfishness.
6. Systemic abandonment
Systemic abandonment is when institutions and structures that should protect people fail them. This could be the government cutting disability benefits, schools refusing accommodations, or healthcare systems being inaccessible. People with chronic illnesses and mental health conditions are often on the receiving end of this type of abandonment, left to navigate life without the safety nets they should have.
For example, a person denied disability insurance despite severe illness may feel discarded by society. Systemic abandonment is especially heavy because it’s not about one person leaving—it’s about entire systems saying, “We won’t catch you.” According to the World Health Organization, systemic barriers in healthcare remain one of the largest drivers of poor outcomes for people with chronic illness.
Reminder: If systems have failed you, it does not mean you failed. You are not invisible—your struggle is real, and your life matters.
Why It Matters
Abandonment is not always dramatic or obvious. It can be subtle, systemic, or internal. For those living with chronic illness or mental health challenges, these layers of abandonment can overlap and compound one another. Naming the different types doesn’t erase the hurt, but it can help make sense of your experiences. Recognizing what you’ve been through is not about blame—it’s about acknowledging reality, and from there, gently moving toward healing.
Reminder: If you’ve faced abandonment in any form, please know that your story is valid, your needs are real, and your presence in this world is important.